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Weazel News

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“
Weazel News, Confirming your prejudices!
— Tagline, circa 2013.

Weazel News Television is the news branch of Weazel that appears in Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City Stories, Grand Theft Auto IV, Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars, Grand Theft Auto V, Grand Theft Auto Online and Grand Theft Auto VI.

Description[]

The Weazel News name was first mentioned briefly in Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City Stories, as an insult by host Richard Goblin during a closing dialog in "Coq 'O' Vin" in LCFR. It is in Grand Theft Auto IV, however, when its prominence was elevated, reporting events of Liberty City and the exploits of the player.

In the HD Universe, Weazel News is a massive news network with three news divisions including Weazel Sports.

In Grand Theft Auto IV, Niko can visit the website, watch it on television, or most commonly, listen to it on the radio. Weazel News also operates a program known as The Weazel News Morning Show, most likely a parody of Fox & Friends.

As of 2008, a significant portion of its programming, particularly internet articles, is radically right-wing. This is evident in their endorsement of draconian anti-terrorism measures that seize Americans' freedom, such as the Jingoism Act and the closure of Liberty City's bridges. Following the collapse of an Algonquin construction crane, they also attempt to establish connections between labor unions and terrorism. Additionally, they dismiss concerns about the economic recession as "liberal lies and depression," falsely claiming that President Joe Lawton and conservative members of Congress ended the country's financial woes.

In Grand Theft Auto V, the main broadcasting building for the network can be found in Little Seoul, and its corporate headquarters, based on the Fox Plaza, is located in Rockford Hills. Weazel News also owns its own set of custom Rumpo news vans.

In 2013, Weazel News no longer has an accessible website, but Eyefind news articles and radio broadcasts are common. Some of its internet articles seem level-headed in comparison to 2008. However, much hypocrisy and chaos remain in the news network. For example, Karl Kelly and his ex-wife, both Weazel journalists, frequently slander each other in their reporting. There seem to be no consequences for their inappropriate conduct.

In Grand Theft Auto Online, not much is known or seen about Weazel News after 2013. However, in the summer of 2022, a news report surrounding The Criminal Enterprises update can be heard by the player.

In the mid-2020s, during the narrative of Grand Theft Auto VI, Weazel reports on incidents such as an overturned vehicle crash and "thugs" causing chaos on motorbikes. There is an additional report about a Leonida Man.

Gallery[]

Slogan & Motto[]

Slogan & Motto Usage Version
"Reporting The Right News" 2008/2009 Grand Theft Auto IV and Grand Theft Auto: Episodes from Liberty City
"Confirming your prejudices" 2013–present day Grand Theft Auto V and Grand Theft Auto Online

Reporters[]

Radio Stories[]

Site-logo
Spoiler Warning: Plot details, ending details, or both are in the text which follows.
Spoiler Warning: Plot details, ending details, or both are in the text which follows.

The news on the radio will update itself as the player progresses through the story.

Grand Theft Auto IV[]

Transcript

  • Police brutality, hybrid cars, traffic report of Broker and Dukes, new taxi fare agreement, meth

  • Rise in crime with the police blaming the Eastern Europeans, hybrid cars popularity, protest over bridge closures

  • Bryce Dawkins disregards controversy, new border security bill, Europe underperforming

  • War on Terror, global warming denials, beheaded victim found in river

  • Pressure on Ochoa to open bridges, another decapitated and mutilated jogger in Alderney, online dating caution

  • Illegal street races on the rise, same-sex marriage battle, series of violent beatings in Middle Park

  • Pavano capo testifies in court, Tony Prince campaigns for nightclub leniency, Bryce Dawkins pushes ban on gay firefighters

  • Tom Rivas killed, high prices of meds led to influx of cloned meds, Web 2.0 debate

  • Increase police presence in potential terrorist targets, violent shootout at construction site, all libraries to close

  • Northwood explosion deemed terrorism, Liberty City real estate market, Tony McTony sues LC24

  • Derrick McReary shot dead, Gerald McReary arrested, Francis McReary corruption, BAWSAQ up 5 points, boy recovered after 6 years in Krapea store

  • Dragon Brain killer charged, Isaac Roth killed, City Council votes for new stadium

  • Aiden O'Malley murdered, NOOSE seizes cocaine shipment, video games may cause impotence

  • Liberty City flooded with counterfeit bills, LC Swingers' head coach resigns, doctor endorses clone sex

  • Alderney massacre an act of terrorism, helicopter battle over city, clone sex arrest

  • Body found at ferry terminal, Kerry McIntosh sues rehab, illegal immigrants

  • Bobby Jefferson ambushed, Tony Prince opposes nightclub closures, Eris defends child labor

  • Roman Bellic murdered, man killed by smart toaster, generation awaits drug-use impacts

  • Kate McReary murdered, man killed by smart toaster, generation awaits drug-use impacts

  • Serial killer found dead, road work causes delays, lip reading bee ends in scandal

  • Congress considers outlawing emailing while driving, French President threatens to reclaim the Statue of Happiness, French relations strained by President Lawton

  • Protest over stem cell legislation, President Lawton denies he is scared of China

  • Men calm down in new ways, drive through Botox clinic opens, jack-knifed trucks with people on fire

  • Study says gambling as beneficial as exercise, Las Venturas truck driver claims lottery prize

  • Scout leader calls for end of stereotype, woman calls NOOSE over Taliban ruining her hair

  • America loves cooking shows, orgasm debate, traffic jam will happen soon

  • Slim people feel marginalized as Americans become obese, Fruit Computers' iRocket cellphone for women

  • Crystal meth producers look to Europe, Los Santos hunger strike

  • Men who drink light beer, linguists divided over the word "dude"

  • Gorilla kills four in Los Santos, Europe binge-drinking competition

  • ilovetoblow.org blacklisted, animal rights activism, security heightened for furry convention

The Lost and Damned[]

The Lost and Damned feature stories unique to Johnny Klebitz's storyline but also includes references events from the GTA IV storyline:

Transcript

  • Undercover cops killed, Air Sol paid bathrooms, millennials lower productivity

  • Prison guards call for order, Dalton Randolph's wife fights back, John Hunter denies racism

  • British official loses laptop with private information, Ministry of Defence's embarrassing Christmas party, space tourism for rich

  • Designer hybrid dogs, hedge fund managers protest

  • Politician admits faking tourettes, Los Santos teen hospitalized

  • Dukes woman contracts West Nile virus, Ochoa presumed dead

  • America's teens on energy drinks, recession to blame for high teen pregnancy

  • Globe Oil warns against carpooling, homoerotic sports celebrations

  • Peanut found in Release chewing gum, sex tourism scandal

  • Meth lab found in Middle Park, Tony McTony threatens to move sweatshops

  • President Lawton in a texting scandal with the Italian Prime Minister, My Room Online responsible for arson

  • Porn industry hit hard, movie ticket sales down

The Ballad of Gay Tony[]

The Ballad of Gay Tony features stories unique to Luis Fernando Lopez' storyline, but references events in the other plots as well.

Transcript

  • Terrorists steal subway car, President Lawton promises immediate results, police reassure citizens amid terrorism

  • Bobby Jefferson ambushed, Tony Prince opposes nightclub closures, Eris defends child labor

  • New iFruit pregnancy test app, Italian-Americans protest outside cable networks

  • Loot and Wank movie announced, cop stuns couple on wedding anniversary, police stun gun use up 200 percent

  • Broker residents say they're cool, study shows benefits of drinking red wine

  • Study baffles government officials, Sam Flowers accidentally eats a used urinal cake

  • ULSA gymnastics coach hit by allegations, online midget video goes too far

  • Los Santos now the bulimia capital of America, gingers fight for civil rights

  • Designer cupcakes study, Ochoa launches plan to flood subways

  • Increase in unhealthy pleasures, British people give poor tips, Australians told to stay home

  • Record stores impacted by recession, universities start Ponzi scheme courses

  • Pharmaceutical Bakeoff reality show, marketing executives entirely soulless

Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars[]

Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars features only one news segment from Weazel News during the credits of the game as part of the "Chinatown Wars (Remix)" song, making reference to some of Wade and Hsin’s missions and references to the final mission of the game.

Grand Theft Auto V[]

Transcript

  • Bloody shootout at a Meth lab in Sandy Shores, Facade hit with a data mining scandal, wealthy residents protest against a planned metro extension, erection pill wars rage on

  • IAA says raid was a training exercise, globalpol cracks down on West Coast drug trafficking, gas and electric monopolies step up after Liberty City storm, man survives UFO abduction

  • MC Clip photoshoot turns violent, another hiker disappears in Blaine County, Gruppe Sechs robbery connected to IAA, the most expensive salad in Los Santos

  • MC Clip killed in a gang shootout, another hiker disappears in Blaine County, Gruppe Sechs robbery connected to IAA, the most expensive salad in Los Santos

  • Gruppe Sechs robbery connected to IAA, US military considers drone base north of Chumash and Fort Zancudo, Frank Mathers drowns in submarine accident, Vespucci man is a victim of discrimination

  • San Andreas lottery up to $500 million, tattoo artist breaks record for the worst tattoo

  • Containership sinks in Port of Los Santos, FIB claims money laundering rife in small banks, superior court awards damages to Gordon Henderson, groups petition city about annoying bicyclists

  • Chad Mulligan's Z-Type stolen, Ashley Butler and four others dead in orgy, iFruit workers in Liberty City worried about superfan, new adventure funerals

  • Chad Mulligan killed in violent carjacking, Ashley Butler and four others dead in orgy, iFruit workers in Liberty City worried about Sean Douglas, new adventure funerals

  • Filming of Deep Inside disrupted, Corkers legend uses enhancement drugs, BAWSAQ in negative territory again, illegal immigrants return south

  • Merryweather cargo plane shot down, Scab Rat factory engulfed in a labor dispute, reality show contestant breaks pregnancy record

  • Lazlow claims he was molested amid appearance change, over 20 sports players side with a disgraced athlete

  • Steve Haines to lead FIB Headquarters intrusion investigation, deal will bring Liberty City Wrath to Los Santos, successful Beseecher crowdfunding

  • Audiences divided as Meltdown hits theaters, elderly woman passes away on her front lawn, entrepreneur pitches cheese sculpting service

  • Steve Haines killed, Devin Weston disappears after a violent incident, Harold Joseph and Wei Cheng both murdered, Merryweather to shut down domestic operations

  • Asteroid dangerously close to Earth, FIB agent finds love after spying on woman's emails

  • Peter Dreyfuss killed after being linked to Lenora Johnson's murder, police focus on campaign to ticket bicyclists

  • Willy MacTavish attacked by crazed fan, corporate prison company to buy the Los Santos Corkers

  • Los Santos Panic cheerleader tryouts begin today, hipster nudist food truck closed by health inspectors

  • Los Santos woman carpools with dead husband, Los Santos Transit launches campaign to incentivize transit use

  • Al Di Napoli kidnapped following high speed chase, law enforcement teams up with reality show

  • Al Di Napoli found murdered on train tracks, smartphones kill relationships, Lifeinvader number one source to escape reality

  • Al Di Napoli returns home, smartphones kill relationships, Lifeinvader number one source to escape reality

  • Four jurors in Redwood lawsuit are killed, bump in Debonaire share price

  • Fruit shares on the rise after murder of Jackson Skinner, trading heavy today as reports indicate a bumpy ride

  • Enzo Bonelli killed in shootout, man makes offensive remarks on Bleeter

  • Arms trafficking running rampant in Grand Senora Desert, residents worry about drones coming to America

  • Local man passive aggressive in email, Corkers lose against Boars in longest baseball game

  • Isiah Friedlander killed by an unknown assailant, the last Los Santos residents with taste die

  • Adult film stars protest, protestor killed at a protest against violence

  • Bring your assault rifle to work day canceled, celebrities are boring as ghosts

  • Los Santos considers a pipeline to Canada, local man rejected by loved ones for his gluten-free diet

  • Local chiropractor sleeps with many women, Los Santos medical marijuana university might close

  • Los Santos and Beijing in a pollution battle, automobile industry booming after Liberty City storm

  • Construction begins on Canada to Los Santos pipeline, Eyefind Maps street car scandal

  • Los Santos cemeteries rent out space for events, medical cocaine on the ballot next election

  • City officials worried Beijing will beat Los Santos, "nerdcore" rap about video games

  • Hundreds of people arrested in a brawl at sheriff's birthday party

  • Los Santos medical marijuana to take up cocaine, Swedish rapper says he understands struggle

  • Police warned for a fight at massive barbeque, witnesses say a cock has been shot

  • Home improvement accidental arsonist defends himself, Eyefind announces new initiative to download data

  • Aftermath of the Liberty City storm, illegal immigrants upset with America

  • A hotel riot in Puerto Del Sol, Americans tell their government to spy on them

  • A hotel offers celebrity themed packages, Los Santos most polluted city in the world

  • A self-sustaining Norway hotel stinks, crime scene cleaner cannot find love

  • Toilet Cleaner epidemic sweeps across Los Santos, 95 year old water main breaks in Liberty City

  • A college student learns lesson after being stabbed, philanthropist honored at $1,000 a seat gala

  • Canadian insurgents bomb pipeline to Los Santos, city officials celebrate food poisoning award

  • Strippers coming to local buses, residents vacation to the Alamo Sea

  • Residents hope the nuclear family is outlawed, cops accuse TV networks of faking police chases

  • Politicians criticize bailout of banks and automakers, Bravado asks for a second bailout

  • A man loses colon after eating Los Santos River sashimi, divorced mothers love social media

  • Suspect says he is a CNT intern after police chase, motivational speaker makes people less motivated

  • ProLaps signs new endorsement deal with murderer athlete, CNT and Weazel networks have record ratings

  • A local man rethinks his position on police interaction, Jack Howitzer back on television

  • A man proposes on Bleeter, new weight loss craze

  • Experts say meditation makes you crave the wrong sex, adorable kitten video from Up-n-Atom Burger

  • FlyUS passengers sue the airline after a man pleasures himself

  • Liberals fuming at cartoon Impotent Rage, stores pull spinach from shelves

  • Morningwood neighbors hate foul-smelling green home, carbon dioxide levels reach record high

  • Fruit says tax reform is unnecessary, new smartphone app saves men from heartache

  • Vespucci Beach is number one for homeless, Whiz under fire for offering records to government

  • An anti-Toilet Cleaner lawmaker caught smoking the drug, local man has enough of women's emotions

  • A woman is devastated over a TV show contestant being eliminated

  • Wildfire season arrives in San Andreas, state legislature passes transgender bathroom bill

Grand Theft Auto Online[]

TV GTAOe WeazelNews1

Weazel News channel in Grand Theft Auto Online.

In Grand Theft Auto Online, the player can watch a dedicated Weazel News channel constantly showing Police Maverick and cinematic footage of other random players in the Free Mode lobby, prioritizing those players with wanted levels. The channel is only available when other players are in the Free Mode lobby.

The Criminal Enterprises[]

With The Criminal Enterprises update in 2022, a new Weazel News report plays when the player enters a vehicle for the first time after the update, giving a brief exposition of the current events. Anchors Bryan and Kelly mention a massive heatwave hitting Los Santos and gas prices continuing to rise, as well as advertising a later segment, The BAWSAQ Analysis Hour With Mason Duggan.

Videos[]

Influence[]

  • Weazel News is a parody of Fox News, as both weasels and foxes are mammals native to North America. "Weasel" is an insult that is synonymous with an untrustworthy person, as well as a euphemism for a penis.
  • In GTA IV, Weazel News on the Radio is similar to real-life radio station 1010 WINS (a CBS All-News Radio Station). Mike Whitley, one of the reporters of Weazel News, is also voiced by an actual reporter of the aforementioned station.
  • Also, the graphic seen in the mission Legal Trouble, is similar to the CNN graphic.
  • The company's previous slogan, "reporting the right news," is a reference to the long-running accusations of Fox News' right-wing biased reporting.
    • Despite this, Weazel News can be slightly more left-wing compared to real-life Fox News and seems to take some aspects from both CNN and MSNBC.
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