- Mori: "Now listen to me, Luis. I got a wager for you."
- Luis: "I ain't having no monster measuring contest with you, bro. I keep telling you I ain't into that creepy shit."
- ― Mori Kibbutz about to tell Luis Lopez about his deal
This Ain't Checkers is a mission in the episodic content The Ballad of Gay Tony, given to the protagonist Luis Fernando Lopez by Mori Kibbutz.
Description
Mori explains to Luis that they must go to the Algonquin heliport to get onboard a helicopter. The two drive to the heliport in Mori's Buffalo, while Mori says that this competition is for "high roller cats" only. Upon arrival, they are given parachutes and are lifted up above South Algonquin, receiving instructions on the fundamentals of the race.
Once the cutscene ends, the player must pull the ripcord on the parachute and commandeer a boat idling at the dock below, near Happiness Island. After reaching a boat, the player must guide the boat through a series of checkpoints until they reach land in Westdyke. The player must then choose one of four cars, each equipped with nitro that must be skillfully used to drive to the finish line in Middle Park. Once the finish line is reached, a cutscene will play, ending with Mori making up excuses for why he lost, going so far as to say someone sabotaged his car.
Mission Objectives
In order to complete the mission, the player must:
- Get in the car.
- Go to the heliport.
- Get in a boat.
- Drive to shore.
- Get in a car.
- Drive to the finish line.
100% Objectives
Complete the mission in 7:30
Take 0% Damage
Land in one of the boats after freefalling.
Was always in first for the duration of the race.
Video Walkthrough
Trivia
- The helicopter and its occupants will despawn immediately after the cutscene.
- When freefalling, make sure that you only release the parachute when you're in first place. Pulling the ripcord before being in first place will instantly deny the "Always First" scoring mark.
- The Bullet GT waiting at the final portion of the race has a unique lime green colour. After finishing the mission, you can take it to your safehouse to keep.
- If you take any other car than the red Buffalo and the Squalo, Mori will be seen driving that car and boat because he owns them. Similarly, the other vehicles appear to be owned by the other competitors. The Blade, Floater, Comet and Bullet GT are owned by the other NPCs, while the Smuggler and F620 are always left for Luis.
- This mission is the second opportunity in the game to get Mori's uniquely red Buffalo without failing the mission. The first chance is on the mission Kibbutz Number One.
- There is a glitch that will cause the final cutscene be completely skipped if you're reaching the goal with the nitro activated.
- The brakes of any car will visibly overheat if they are used while the nitro is also activated.
- When replaying the mission, Luis will always drive the F620.
- Mori will almost never win the race without Luis intentionally stopping the other racers, in part due to his vehicle choice being inferior in both top speed and acceleration. However, the Comet will usually win if Luis does not. If Luis is driving the Comet, then the Bullet GT will win in place of the Comet.
- If Luis loses the race and the player chooses the replay option, the game will start Luis at the part where the racers choose their cars (instead of at the mission start).
- A glitch occurs with the waypoint in this mission after the player chooses a car. Instead of following along with the player, the pink line will still start from the beach where the cars were located.
- In fact Mori didn't checkmate Brucie. Brucie could make his king save by moving bishop to a white square, blocking the rook's attack.
