"And so, our hero travels in time once more. Where to, he never knows, whereever he's needed most, and whichever way his time machine points him, sometimes forwards, sometimes backwards, always fun if you're open-minded!"
―The show's announcer

The Time Ranger is a radio show featured in Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Stories.

Originally broadcast in the 1930s, the show is repeated on Vice City Public Radio in 1984. The show features Ernest Keigel, also known as the Time Ranger, a time traveler whose penis is a time machine and who travels through time when he masturbates. The only known episode is "Boxing the One-Eyed Clown", where Ernest first travels to Medieval England, in the year 1175, where he meets a young boy named Richard and his mother, who is implied to be having an affair with the King. He later travels to France during the period of the French Revolution, where he meets a mademoiselle hiding in a barn to hide from revolting peasants. The episode ends on a cliffhanger, with the Time Ranger and mademoiselle engaged in mammary intercourse (to "recharge" the Time Ranger's time machine) in a barn which is being stormed by revolting peasants.


  • Ernest Keigel (The Time Ranger) (voiced by Bill Lobley)
  • Trixie Lane (voiced by Jen Cohn)
  • Richard (voiced by James Ferrante)
  • Richard's mother (voiced by Kate Greer)
  • Mademoiselle (voiced by Jen Cohn)
  • The announcer (voiced by Anthony Cumia).


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