- Reni: "Darling, he wants me dead!"
- Vic: "Who?"
- Reni: "Diego Mendez! That's who! Because I put you in contact with Ricardo Diaz! He said it was disloyal of me! Not as disloyal as him! Two-timing me with that tramp!"
- Vic: "Woah! Wait! You guys were an item?"
- Reni: "Yes, yes...But I could not deal with him. He talked too much."
So Long Schlong is a mission in Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Stories given to protagonist Victor Vance by avant garde film director Reni Wassulmaier from the InterGlobal Films Studios on Prawn Island, Vice City.
Reni is about to get his fourth sex change but Diego Mendez is unhappy that she introduced Victor to Ricardo Diaz, saying that it was disloyal. Mendez' goons are about to arrive in the InterGlobal Films course to kill him but she decides to drive and find a way to the hospital while Victor takes care of the Mendez' goons at the InterGlobal course. When around twenty of the Mendez' goons are killed, Reni messages Victor via pager informing him about having been caught somewhere near The Malibu Club in Vice Point. Victor then gets in a car and drives over to the place and helps Reni clear out all the attacking enemies. The duo then escape in another car while being attacked by drive-by's of the Mendez' goons. Victor then luckily ends up taking Reni to the hospital without any harm from the Mendez' goons.
In order to complete the mission the player must:
- Don't let Mendez's goons search the film lot and discover Reni has gone.
- Save Reni - he's near the Malibu Club!
- Kill Mendez's goons.
- Take Reni to the hospital.
The reward for completing this mission is $1,000 and the mission In the Air Tonight is unlocked.
- The name of this mission is a clear pun on Reni's sex change, from man to woman.