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Preservex is a range of skin care products in Grand Theft Auto V.

Description

Preservex is made using formaldehyde, with a technique similar to that used in funeral homes. However, it is implied to make users of the product look rigid and corpse-like.

Their products are advertised on the radio and bottles of the products can be found in some places in the game, such as Debra's bedroom in Floyd's Apartment. They have a website at preservexskincream.com, where the cream is advertised for $79.00.

Website

The timeless beauty of natural formaldehyde. Do you ever look in the mirror and wish you could stay young forever? With Preservex, you can.

Injecting yourself with botulism or sewing your forehead to the back of your skull is not the answer. We're historians and scientists, not barbarians. The secret is formaldehyde. Remember that fetal pig from science class? How soft and unblemished its skin was? How it floated in that jar on the shelf, forever frozen in the perfection of youth, until you hacked it apart in 7th Grade? That could be you. Formaldehyde is all around us. It occurs naturally in our bodies, the air we breathe, diet sodas and cigarettes. It's nature's preservative.

Why wait until post mortem to look good? Preservex brings the wisdom of the funeral parlor to the beauty parlor. Most beauty products only work skin deep, but Preservex works tissue deep. It doesn't just slow down the aging process. It stops cell growth dead in its tracks.

How Does It Work

We mail you 10 syringes and an IV Bag. Simply insert the IV Bag into a vein, then while the magic drains into your bloodstream, use the syringe to insert additional liquid into your face, neck, and especially reproductive organs. A saggy labia or a droopy member will give you away in a second.

Don't watch yourself decompose, freeze time just like that. Of course, preservex is 100% vegan and cruelty free.

Side effects may include terminal diseases, heart failure, liver failure, brain damage, stroke, a variety of cancers, dribbling, loose stools, bed wetting, involuntary vomiting, priapism, impotence and death.

Testimonials

It's the beauty secret dermatologists, celebrities and morticians don't want you to know about! - Vicki, Liberty City.

It's like I have the woman I fell in love with back again, just a really badly sunburned version that smells like pickled onions - Derek, Vespucci.

Dying prematurely is a small price to pay for not aging prematurely - Kate, Vice City.

I look like a completely different person. Preservex, I'd kiss you if my lips weren't raw like pounded beef - Jeremy, Grapeseed.

Some people think I've been in a house fire but nobody can guess my age! - Lisa, Alderney.

My doctor said to me "You're a woman in her twenties with the vital organs of an 80-year-old". I'm 32! Thank you, Preservex! - Debby, Vinewood Hills.

Gallery

Trivia

  • The bottle of Preservex seen in game is called "Preservation".
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