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Pastmaster

PastMaster logo

PastMaster is a quasi-educational computer game advertised in Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City Stories that helps children relive famously atrocious historical moments throughout history. Two PastMaster radio commercials can be heard on the stations Lips 106 & Radio Del Mundo.

The game is a possible parody of Sid Meier's Civilization game series.

Ads

The following are transcribed from radio ads from Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City Stories.

(A teenager is heard crying)

Chad's Father: What's wrong, son?

Chad: History homework is really boring. We all know who wins. Who cares about defeating the Nazis or saving civilization?

Male announcer: Learning has never been fun...until now!

PastMaster!

Male announcer: Forget the books and classrooms. The future of learning is here! PastMaster is a unique mix of action and education - it's edutainment! Kids play history, and play it to win, in a strategy and planning game based on real-world events, using real artificial intelligence. Finally, computer games that are good for something! Now kids will beg to keep learning!

Chad's Father: Chad, you've been up all night?

Chad: I've learned all about cultural longevity and the introduction of diseases to isolated populations. Look at this: it's an indigenous population I'm decimating!

Chad's Father: And raping, son?

Chad: Of course, dad. I know all about genetics, too!

PastMaster!

Male announcer: PastMaster - the future of education about the past is right now!

Male announcer: Available now, it's PastMaster: Patriot Edition!

PastMaster!

Son: Dad, see that icon? That's a Vietnamese village girl I'm dumping napalm on!

Male announcer: Boy, does that bring back memories! These are games you can finally feel good about giving your kids. They act out scenarios first, then, PastMaster's patented system shows that look really happened! Your kid will learn to be a blood-thirsty hypocrite much quicker than you thought possible!

PastMaster!

Male announcer: PastMaster - the future of education about the past is right now!

Gallery

Trivia

  • The teaser website mentions the real-life Windows 95 operating system, which is a contradiction to the GTA Universe, as Windows is parodied as TOS in the 3D Universe.

External Link

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