Jeremy Robard is a character who appears in Grand Theft Auto: Vice City and Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Stories, and can be heard on the radio of both games.

In 1984, during the events of GTA: Vice City Stories, he sponsors Radio Espantoso, and runs an "Import/Export" business in Viceport where clients lease a boat and ferry "special" cargo to and from an island base not too far from Vice City. It is implied that his business actually consists of drug-running via boats, since he calls the Radio Espantoso station to ask Hector if there are any coast guard boats around, although Jeremy claims it's because he doesn't want to be bothered by paper work or bribes.

By 1986, he has a line of seedy self-help tapes to promote. This program, called Think Your Way to Success, is a supposed three-step program with names that, in acronym, are all related to drugs (Think - Hold that thought - Complete = THC, Learn - Start - Doing = LSD, or Motivate - Demonstrate - then Motivate Again = MDMA).

He appears on the show Pressing Issues on Vice City Public Radio, during the segment Positive Thinking. Robard spends his time plugging his Think Your Way to Success program before insulting and greatly infuriating the host Maurice Chavez. During the verbal altercations with Chavez, it emerges that Robard's success is a lie, and he is little more than a pompous fraud who lives in a small apartment overlooking a gasworks. Chavez also implies that Robard has been imprisoned multiple times.

After more insults are traded, Chavez breaks Robard's nose with a paperweight. Robard threatens to sue Chavez, but backs down when Chavez threatens him with more violence.

He is voiced by Peter Silvestro in both appearances.

Radio Ads

The following are transcribed from radio ads from Grand Theft Auto: Vice City and Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Stories.

Think Your Way to Success (Vice City; Wave 103 and K-Chat)

Jeremy Robard: Hi, I'm Jeremy Robard, entrepreneur, VIP, and founder of the revolutionary program Think Your Way to Success. It's a 3-step program that's been changing lives, and my income for the last 2 years. 5 years ago, I was a nobody, just like you. After my Think Your Way to Success program, I've spent the entire weekend in my jacuzzi, or engaging in the exciting sport of domino toppling. Hey, if you can think it, you can do it! One of my award winning courses is sure to be perfect for you. The first course I call Think - Hold that thought - Complete, because that's what you do. Step 2 is known as Learn - Start - Doing, where I explain the mysteries of starting. Or take the new exhilerating course that'll have you laughing at ugly strangers: Motivate - Demonstrate - then Motivate Again. Just listen to these endorsements, and remember, these members volunteered, they aren't being paid much.

Man #1: I've been on the Think - Hold that thought - Complete program, and I have to say I'm finally gonna start my career at being a well-paid rich person.

Man #2: Yeah, I've been thinking my way to success for a while now! It's some good stuff!

Jeremy Robard: Call now and sign up for my Think Your Way to Success program, and if you want to think really fast, try my Crank it Out program. Call 1-866-434-SELF. Hey, don't just do it, think about it!

Robard's Import/Export (Vice City Stories; Emotion 98.3)

Jeremy Robard: How long has it been since you've gone at top speed in a powerboat with two blondes in bikinis? Well, that's too long. Hi, I'm Jeremy Robard with some important information about masculinity and you. In today's times with women working in the office and men wearing pastels, paints and eyeshadow, it's vital you reaffirm your masculinity at every opportunity. Are you wasting away in an office, going bald, and entertaining yourself by dropping pencils, so your fat secretary bends over? You could be into money, living an adventure! Take on the hottest, most prestigious profession of today - international trading. It's a man's occupation, it's a career, and it's an opportunity, all at once! All you need to do is lease one of our high-speed boats, no money down, no credit check, and you'll be hauling glamorous international cargo in no time. And you don't have to go very far, only about 6 miles offshore to collect a special cargo and bring it back. It's as easy as 1-2-3, all at high speed, like a man! Hey, if you love the ocean, partying, and genuine capitalism, the Import/Export business is for you. If you're ready to step into the future of masculinity, come see me, Jeremy Robard, at Robard's Import/Export in Viceport.


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