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Gardening with Maurice was a radio talk show that aired from around 19922001. It was on the San Andreas radio station WCTR Talk Radio in Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. Maurice, the host of the show is an exhibitionist who likes to take pictures of himself in the nude, and also when he's "blossoming". He photographs himself along with his flowers when they too are blossoming.

The show is most famous for having a caller from Bone County complaining as to why she's unable to grow any flowers (due to Bone County being a desert region). The callers are largely female but one notable male caller is Michael Hunt, the future DJ of Head Radio in Liberty City.

On Grand Theft Auto III's Chatterbox FM, a caller asks Lazlow about turnips and rooted vegetables; Lazlow says "this isn't Gardening with Maurice, that's on later," to which the caller replies "no, he got taken off the air," assuming the show came on in Liberty City. This means that the show either aired nationally, or moved to Donald Love's Chatterbox FM (or LCFR) sometime between 1998 and 2001, as the show wasn't part of LCFR's schedule.

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Transcript
Female Announcer: Coming up next, it's time for the man who can grow anything big and strong! It's Gardening with Maurice, broadcasting live from his garden.
(Gardening with Maurice jingle plays)
Maurice: Howdy doodles! This is Gardening with Maurice, and I am Maurice! Ever since man was kicked out of the garden, he's been striving to get back in! I believe all of life's answers can be found in something as simple as a flower. Its stamen. Its pistol. Its pollen. Just like me and you. We're going to the phones, hello, you're on Gardening with Maurice! I am Maurice, go ahead caller.
Caller #1: Uh, yes, thanks for having me on, I'm a big fan. Uh, I have a question. My melons aren't big enough! I thought they're gonna keep growing but they just stopped. My next-door neighbor has huge melons and everyone just fawns over them. "Oh, they taste so sweet!" "Oh, look how firm they are!" What do I do?
Maurice: Ooooooh! I would love to see your melons! Look, gardening is a spiritual light journey where you become one with nature. However, sometimes nature needs some chemicals to, you know, kinda...kick things into action. There's a fantastic fertilizer I use called...Pituitarizini, that needs to be injected with a needle, so be very, very careful, and inject that right into your melons and they will grow enormous.
Caller #1: Thanks so much, Maurice! You're the best.
Maurice: Yes, I know. I know that. I've been at one with nature for so long now, I can't remember what it's like to sleep inside! Next call.
Caller #2: God, I was on hold forever! Uh, I've heard that facials are great. Really make you look younger.
Maurice: Oh, yes. Listen, honey, I should know. When you look like a trainwreck, you need a little makeup or somesuch. You sound like a lonely spinster with two pussies. Cats!
Caller #2: It's the menopause, Maurice. I'm havin' hot flashes, okay?
Maurice: Taking a pause from men, huh? You know I should try that. For your face, try nature's cosmetic camouflage. Cleopatra took milk baths...with cereal each morning. Try tomatoes, too! The acid is great, it makes your face...just peel right off!
Caller #2: Hey, thanks, Maurice.
Maurice: That's me, fertilizing mines. Enough of you voyeurs out there and your vicarious gardening. I want you to join in on the fun! When you stick your hands in the mystery of nature, and you pull out a worm, or a tuber...God, I love tubers. So...plump and juicy. Hello, Mike, from Prickle Pine in Las Venturas!
Michael Hunt: Hey, Maurice, first-time caller, my name is Mike. I work on my lawn and garden all weekend long because I got this raging Oedipus complex, and I like drinking beer and riding around on the lawnmower too, because, you know, the vibrations are kinda cool, but what's really killing me is I can't seem to get these weeds out of the driveway. I tried napalm, I tried gasoline, of course--
Maurice: Okay, stopstopstopstopstopstopstop. Listen I--listen, I want you to listen to me. Are you listening to me, Mark?
Michael Hunt: It's Mike.
Maurice: Okay, good. That was a test, okay, I know what your name is. I know it's Mark. Now, listne up! Listen closely! I want you to pave over your entire yard...okay? I want you to just pave it over with cement or asssssssPHALT or whatever! Listen, I have the Maurice mansion completely covered in AstroTurf inside and outside, which, by the by, is particularly handy when some big football players come over and we have a little midnight match of ultimate disc...in the yard. Now, when your lawn is beautiful...and green...all year long, you can focus on the important matters, if you get my drift...ya see? Gardening with Maurice is sponsored by The Happy Farmer...YAHOO! If you're afraid someone will steal your tomatoes, why not grow tomatoes in your closet indoors, like me? The Happy Farmer: hydroponics and more...next door to Blotto's. I'm Maurice. Until next time, dig a hole, and plant yourself!
(Jingle plays)
Female Announcer: That was the show that generates more phone calls than any other, on WCTR, Gardening with Maurice. And now, the number one show for vegetables on the radio, Gardening with Maurice.
(Jingle plays)
Maurice: Okay, we are back, in the garden! I'm Maurice, and we must answer nature's call. Going to the phones. Greetings, garden lover! What's your name?
Trish: Hi, my name is Trish.
Maurice: Okay, is that short for Patricia?
Trish: Uh, yeah.
Maurice: Oh, then, what I asked is what your name was, not the nickname your skinhead boot-wearing friends call you at the rallies! Maybe you should do less drugs and learn to try a bit harder. NEXT CALLER!
Colleen: Hi, my name is Colleen, and my husband has a topiary problem.
Maurice: Ooooooh! This sounds serious!
Colleen: Well, he started off small-scale, just recreational usage, you know, doing horses and cattles, the odd unicorn, but it's kind of gotten out of control!
Maurice: Hmm...how so?
Colleen: He just can't stop! I mean, people think it's all fun and games, but what happens when the party stops?! What happens then?
Maurice: Okay, just...just hold the phone. Hold the phone and get a grip, okay? At my house, when the party stops, we pay the gimp, get rid of the sailors, and 15 men start crying in unison.
Colleen: Well, that's YOUR business! My husband's reached bottom! It's terrible! Giraffes, lions, elephants, rhinos, all of them carved out of hedges! Penguins, dogs, velociraptors, you name it, he's made a leafy version!
Maurice: What could be more natural than a man trimming a hedge into the shape of an animal? Very therapeutic! Makes a man feel like a GOD! When you can twist nature to your own perverse entertainment, then you know we've won! Eat me, Darwin!
Colleen: But now he's trimming bushes into a spaceship, a rocket, and a lance! He runs around with hedge clippers and screams "TRIM THAT BUSH!" at our neighbors! He even fashioned a shrub into a kangaroo...with a pouch...and he sleeps inside it some nights! Ohh...he's freaking out on bush! He needs help! Please, you've gotta help me. I hate hedges...
Maurice: Well, the Romans love topiary, and look at their contributions to society, but as they say: "if the grass is greener in the other fella's yard, then you bang his college son when the dad's out of town." Okay, next caller! Whoops! Hold on a second, I'm blossoming! ...There we go, all done.
Henry: My name is Henry. I wa--
Maurice: Are you blossoming?
Henry: I, uh...I guess I am. I've really come into my own in the past few months since I joined a cult and began tithing money in exchange for spiritual happiness.
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