"9 inches, 7 houses, 28 cars... I've always been about the stats and I'm all in favor of anything that encourages my fans to watch me more closely. I love the fact that grown men now fantasize about me just as much as the young girls. It's a turn-on..."
Ernesto Asaltacunas, born in Santa Clara, Cuba, is the star power pitcher for the Liberty Swingers and has a history of dating very young girls, including thirteen year old heiress Jill Von Crastenburg. It is implied that Asaltacunas is a pedophile. He has been arrested on two occasions: in 2005 for a criminal sex act on a minor and then in 2006 for possession of a controlled substance (namely steroids). He was also caught with child pornography, although charges were later dropped, and was the central figure in a 2006 doping scandal at the Liberty Swingers.
He is likely a parody of famous Yankees baseball player Alex 'A-Rod' Rodriguez, also accused of steroid-use and a high profile, well paid player befitting Asaltacunas' status. His relationship with Jill Von Crastenburg is also similar to Rodriguez's rumored affair with Madonna. Asaltacunas is also partially a parody of twin brothers Jose Canseco and Ozzie Canseco, both Cuban baseball players who used steroids (but never accused of pedophilia).