| Female announcer: |
Now, putting the dork in the dot-com revolution, it's the Electron Zone. |
| Steve: |
Today on the Electron Zone: a computer that smells happy or sad based on the website you visit! Plus... |
| Bill: |
It's a look into the virtual marriage intimacy therapy remedy future of relationships with the virtual reality gloves! |
| Steve: |
And loving yourself digitally. Is cyber-sex the future, and how to find out? Plus, a woman whose love life has gone space age! |
| Woman: |
Tom and I met on the Internet a year ago, so I left my husband and now I think I'm the first woman that is married to a Domestobot. |
| Domestobot: |
Oh yeah. I am going to blow my source code all over your face. |
| Steve: |
Plus, TOSsers unite with the Technical Operating System 3.0! |
| Bill: |
But, self-appointed experts like Steve predict millions of Americans will toss off and switch to being a Fruithead, which I'd love to see, the Fruit operating system is so much classier. |
| Steve: |
Yeah, if you're stupid and don't know how to mount your motherboard! It's computing for people that don't know a gigabyte from a terraflop. Whether you're a TOSser or a Fruit, you'll surely want to hear about the new cellphone that lives your life for you, and sends you the bill. Plus, we'll review the Freaker videophone and see how well it transports naked pictures of your aunt! |
| Steve: |
And we'll visit a chatroom and type with a starving child in Uganda. Hi, I'm Steve! Steve - Unix Assassin known as the "IP Sniffer". Plus, we use the word "revolutionary" a lot, and make you feel inadequate for not owning a piece of technology that will be obsolete as the advocates in moments...in moment, Bill! |
| Bill: |
Sorry, my avatar was in trouble and I can't take him back to therapy. Hi, I'm Bill, known on IRC as the "Binary Bandit". Managing a life online where you get to swing and mouth off at strangers takes a lot of work. Trust me on that, I'm ahead of my time. Hopefully, the media will pay more attention to the people I kill online rather than the people I really killed as a member of the army! |
| Steve: |
(chuckles) Hey, I say that to every girlfriend I kill. Respawn, bitch! Just kidding, I've never had a girlfriend. Speaking of my penis, life online: different than reality for sure, but which is more satisfying? How do you find time to live your life and your virtual life? Let's go to the phones, emote carbon. |
| Windchime Man: |
Hey, I was thinking about upgrading to that new version of Windchime, what do you guys think about that? |
| Steve: |
Just great, the screensavers are amazing! |
| Bill: |
WTF, heh, LOL. Look, we all know you spend more time with your computer than girls, so why get one that's complicated? Girls, like computers, should be easy, not freeze up all frigid-like or crap out on you! You may make fun of us Fruits, but we understand each other and have a great time, especially in the Ultimate Disc in the Dark online championships! |
| Steve: |
You know what? 10 print "Go to Hell", okay, 20 goto 10. |
| Bill: |
LMFAO, not! How 1987 of you, a "goto" joke, how BASIC! Yep, you got me there, what's next, a MUD? (chuckles) Next caller. |
| The Mainframe Woman: |
Hi, I was wondering what you guys thought of that movie, The Mainframe, and the controversy over cyber-sexism? |
| Steve: |
Well, first off, if this were a chatroom, I would be typing with one hand. IMHO The Mainframe is the greatest movie of all time, partially because it's so close to reality, especially the robot that defecates, and the bit about the dork that saves everyone... |
| Bill: |
I agree, and the rant in the movie about backdoor hacking and the fudge factor - incredible, that was a metaphor from the deep bowels of Hell, man! There was a guy last night in the chatroom bashing The Mainframe, and I had to flame him. I love flamin' lamers! Anyway, let's take a break, get some propaganda going on. |
| Male announcer: |
The #1 board game is now a fully licensed video game: Vivisection's Lab Rat Kart Racing! It's better than all those other licensed kart racing games, because, this time, you don't die of boredom, you die of anthrax! Video games and education meet in this incredible package, as you race, chase and scream your way through a twisty course that bears a marked similarity to all the other kart racing games we made! |
| Game: |
You won! Cool, you advanced to the next level, where you race on the same track again! |
| Male announcer: |
Play Vivisection, and Lab Rat Kart Racing today! Ages 5 and up. Rated T for "Terminal". |
| Vivisection's Lab Rat Kart Racing commercial ends. LCFR station ident plays. |
| Male announcer: |
LCFR - we bring opinions, so you don't need them. |
| The Electron Zone program resumes. |
| Steve: |
Welcome back to the Electron Zone, brought to you by the House of Tomorrow! |
| Bill: |
Yeah, peace, love and unity, and death to all non-believers, man! It's a revolution out there. |
| Steve: |
Yeah, tech revolution, and the revolution is coming to a retail store, near you. |
| Bill: |
You know what, Steve, they've been saying it for years and it's finally happened - robots are taking over! What was that called? |
| Steve: |
In the Future, There will be Robots? |
| Bill: |
Modern dance, you lamer! LMFAO, er, but yeah. And the future is here, right now! |
| Steve: |
That's right, the robot revolution has begun! Pretty soon, we'll all have devices planted in our brain, which tell us when to eat and when do we need to go to the toilet. |
| Bill: |
It's incredible, but true, I was surfing about it yesterday. |
| Steve: |
Yeah, the robots won't be big machines that look like people, instead, they will be small things that exist inside other machines, telling it what to do. |
| Bill: |
A lot like modern machines, only robotic. That's the future, just like the present, only completely different. Hey, let's hit the phones, converse probability wave. |
| Ken: |
Hi, this is Ken, I'm calling from Carcer City. I've got a problem with my Internet connection. |
| Bill: |
Okay, what's the problem? |
| Ken: |
Oh, so, long story... medium length. I keep downloading these pictures for my hobby, and the FBI keeps turning up at my house, trying to arrest me. I was just looking at pictures, I thought the Internet was anonymous, and now everyone knows I'm into exotic things. |
| Bill: |
What is this, Me culture? I? Me? Listen, dude, we're all one, man and machine, connected! So what if you want to look at pictures of illegally young sluts, we're all the same! |
| Ken: |
(sighs) I have to go, I have, uh, several toasted meat pastries coming out of my microwave. |
| Steve: |
Whatever, for cake, it's wrong. I made a screensaver about it, LMFAO, and what a noob you are! Who's on the phone? |
| Richard Burns: |
Hi, my name is Richard, and I used to be a journalist before the riots. I wrote a webpage about the history of the Internet, you know the one. |
| Steve: |
Wow, that's so next gen! |
| Richard Burns: |
Yes, yes, but in the 24/7 digital culture, there's a problem: I might miss something really important. The question is how do I surf the old ISH in the shower? |
| Bill: |
Easy, geronimo, most laptops these days are completely waterproof and will function fine in the shower. |
| Jerome: |
Hey, this is Jerome, I've got a real problem here: I play Cavern of Sorrow Online for, like, 12 hours a day and my avatars come out. I-I don't know what to do. It was right after a mission in Gash Canyon. I'm not prejudice, or anything, it's just not me. |
| Steve: |
Well, that's turkey. |
| Bill: |
Yeah, I don't know what to suggest, we don't really have a cyber-closet. |
| Steve: |
(chuckles) Yes, we do, it's called The Web! |
| Steve: |
(chuckles) Who's on the phones? |
| Denise: |
Hi, this is Denise, and I'm a first-time caller. I'll tell you what, I'm really bored of the Internet, it's a big bully. It's about time someone stood up to it, it's ruining our lives! |
| Steve: |
The Internet is beautiful! I've met some amazing people in and out of prison online and now, I never have to support my local businesses, because I get my cat litter online! |
| Denise: |
Yes, but it's ruining lives! The Internet is crap grass: it will keep growing into our debt or to fetch a cab. In my day, if I wanted anonymous sex, I'd go to a singles ball or a car key party, but not with all these chatrooms. |
| Bill: |
Uh, Denise, you gotta calm down, or I'm gonna have to frag you! (chuckles) |
| Denise: |
What happens when they could hack people?! How would I know my husband is real anymore?! I'm gonna have to hack out myself with this app! |
| Bill: |
Denise, listen to me, calm down, wait just a megabyte...! |
| Bill: |
Oh, she's gone. Well, I think that's all we got time for. Hey, stay plugged in, and don't forget to check out http : // www.electronzoneradio.com! |
| Steve: |
Alright, surf safe out there, everybody, we're outta here. |
| Bill: |
(mockingly) "Surf safe, everybody!" Your mother's a C://prompt! |
| Steve: |
Well, at least you can program, you Fruithead. |
| The Electron Zone program ends. |
| Female announcer: |
That's the show that takes typing with one hand to a whole new level. |
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