"Look, mom, I'm STILL playing with myself!"
―EXsorbeo website

The EXsorbeo is a handheld game system in the 3D Universe and HD Universe


It is only featured on its site for Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas and in adverts on radio stations. It can be seen on a gaming magazine inside news stands during Grand Theft Auto IV.

The handheld device is shaped like male genitalia, which is especially considered another sexual joke from Rockstar, knowing one of the lines one of the characters in the radio advert is saying: "Mom, look, I'm playing with myself!", a clear reference to masturbation. Likewise, the analogue stick of the device is shaped like a penis.

The EXsorbeo is mentioned once in Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City Stories: a caller on Nurse Bob's show on Liberty City Free Radio complains that his girlfriend moans about him playing the game 'One Eyed Monster War' too much. The EXsorbeo is a spoof of both the Sega Game Gear and the Nintendo Game Boy.

In Grand Theft Auto V, the newer version called EXsorbeo 720 is advertised.

An advertisement for the EXsorbeo can be found in the San Andreas game manual.

In the The Diamond Casino & Resort update for Grand Theft Auto Online, the EXsorbeo can be put as one of the decorations in the casino, although it cannot be played.

Games Released

  • Morning Missle Crisis - "Every dawn was the same - Domestic nuclear holocaust, nearly averted!"
  • Free the Hostages - "If you don't, they eventually got out themselves."
  • One Eyed Monster War - "Fight a big angry monster until you strangle the life out of it! Released in 1991."
  • ZIF - "Woops!"
  • Squirt - "That game taught me how to clean up after myself!"
  • Pocket Pool - "Hole in the corner pocket, every time. This was all about the gameplay. Nobody Ever Finished the last pro level challenge, EXCEPT ME!"
  • Mortal Sin - "THE GAME THEY TRIED TO BAN!"
  • Tonsil Hockey - "A great game"


  • Pink EXsorbeo Vibrate - Comes with "Pocket Pool", "Squirt" and "ZIF".
  • Yellow EXsorbeo - Comes with "One Eyed Monster War", "Morning Missile Crisis" and "Free The Hostages"
  • Brown EXsorbeo SImulator - Comes with "Mortal Sin" and "Tonsil Hockey"


On the site there is an emulator for the game One Eyed Monster War. The way to start and play the game is to touch (or click) the screen. The objective of the game is to shoot the monster in the eye until it is killed.


Man 1: An ancient pastime just went cyber-optic!
Boy: Mom, look! I'm playing with myself!
Chorus: EXsorbeo!
Man 1: Hand-held gaming action is here!
Man 2: The EXsorbeo Game System fits in the palm of your hand. It provides hours of fun!
Boy: Mom, look! I'm playing with myself!
Man 2: Once you discover the action-packed action of EXsorbeo, you won't be able to stop!
Chorus: EXsorbeo!
Man 2: Take your new found addiction everywhere! The three-color screen is just like real life.
Man 1: Play games like "Morning Missle Crisis"
Man 2: "Free the Hostages"!
Man 1: "One Eyed Monster War"
Man 2: Light saber struggle!
Man 1: "ZIF", "Squirt"!
Man 2: "Pocket Pool"
Man 1: "Mortal Sin" and "Tonsil Hockey". But be careful! You might go blind!
Boy: Oh! I'm out of batteries! And my arm aches!
Chorus: EXsorbeo!
Man 2: Or, link up your EXsorbeos for private swordfight battles!
Boy: I wonder if dad still does it?
Man 2: EXsorbeo! Let the games commence!
Chorus: EXsorbeo!



  • Morning Missile Crisis is a reference to the term "Morning Wood", when one wakes up with an erection.
  • One Eyed Monster is another sexual joke, as this is one of the several nicknames given to a penis. The game also requires to move the controlled character up and down, simulating masturbation while the One Eyed Monster shoots "sticky goo" at the character.
    • The said goo is obvious representative of ejaculation.
  • Pocket Pool is another term for masturbation.
  • Tonsil Hockey is another term for making out.

See Also

External Links


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