The show is similar to Area 53 from Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas and parodies many real-life conspiracy theories including the Faked Moon Landing and Contrail Conspiracy, as well as real-life conspiracy radio shows such as The Alex Jones Show.
The following content may be incomplete and/or not verified.
Transcript
John Smith:
Are covert prisons being built in the desert? Is a secret fraternity controlling world leaders? Who really runs American banks, and the secret scheme behind the penny in your pocket? These are some of the incredible truths revealed today on Conspire, with me, your host, John Smith, which, of course is...not my real name...as we show you who and what really runs your world. I've also got an amazing report into the reality behind game shows and...how they were used to fight communism, and a look into how the electric car was in fact invented before the internal combustion engine, way back...in 1890. It's going to be another great show, if they don't take me off the air. I fought big business, I've attacked media conglomerates and liberal elites. I'm the man they're too frightened to speak to. I'm John Smith, and they do not, I repeat, not, know who I am. So, without further ado, without any unnecessary pomp or circumstance, or long, verbose intros, let's hit the phones. Hello, truth seeker. You're on Conspire, and you know the drill.
Caller #1:
Hey, John! Big fan of the show! I loved you since I heard you told us the fact that the Library of Congress keeps a secret vault containing a cast of every member of Congress's penis! I mean, it's simply amazing what they spend tax dollars on! I mean, I haven't got health coverage, and yet this government is spending half a billion in upkeep of the Member's Member Chamber! (breathes in) You know, I really enjoyed the last show about diet soda sweetener making children gay! They want America's birth rate to drop so it can't sustain the current population! Then a bunch of immigrants come in and take over and screw our wives! I mean...it makes perfect sense! I can't believe the lies have been told!
John Smith:
Thanks. What's your name?
Caller #1:
Jeremi--
John Smith:
Don't fall for that! I don't need to know your name, nor you mine! Tell a stranger your name, and within minutes, you're in every database in Africa. People are trying to sell your credit card debt and planning to steal your kidney. Pay attention. Wake up, wake up now! I'm your only friend. This is your worst nightmare, and it's all true. Destroy your social security number and erase it from your memory! And forget your name as well, now. Regarding diet soda. Abstinence kills. It kills our ideals. At one time, having a large family was celebrated in this country--now if you have twelve children and eight wives, people look at you like you're some kind of freak! Do you know how many kids I've got?
Caller #1:
Uh...no.
John Smith:
Exactly. You don't need to know. Don't profile me. Don't talk to me about...credit scores. How you gonna judge me by something that happened three years ago?
Caller #1:
Yeah! I'm glad you're finally going to tackle the penny conspiracy...I fucking! HATE PENNIES!
