Rigged to Blow (GTA IV)

Simple mission, right?

When you arrive at the house, Mikhail isn’t there, but his wife is. She invites you in for some tea from the classic Russian teapot she’s got rockin’ there (Protip: Pros know that that is called a samovar. If you did not know, you do now. Go impress your friends) and some touching exposition about the past.

Of course it doesn’t last. Mikhail arrives and completely fucks up the mood. If you skipped out of the cutscene at this point, the gist is this: there’s a truck sitting about midway up the island that needs delivering to a garage in Bohan. You’re the man for the job.

More Than It Appears
Does this seem a little too mundane? Don’t worry, it’s about to get interesting. Head up to the location he’s marked- if you’re in a car of your own, be absolutely sure you park so as not to block the truck’s line of exit.

Get in, and Mikhail drops the bomb: this thing is a bomb. The truck is packed solid with high-yield explosive, which just so happens to be somewhat unstable.

No, you’re not fucked yet. You may well be if you’re the kind of to-hell-with-it driver who never uses the brake. Take your goddamn time with this one- see that light on the back of the truck? That’s the “You’re Fucked” light. It indicates how close you are to a miniature Armageddon. The first time you get hit, it turns on… and starts to beep. If you keep getting hit, it gets faster, and faster, until You’re Fucked.

It shouldn’t be that much of a problem, provided you drive sanely. Most of the streets you take up there are wide and often nearly empty of traffic (the time of day can be an important factor here), and if you lean on the horn whatever traffic remains should shove over. Since the truck is so damn big, it may be easier to put the camera at a slightly higher elevation than normal, so you can see what’s directly in front of you. Pay attention to the traffic lights, because although you may never suffer from running a red, the NPC drivers will always obey the lights. Paying attention to how the lights look can keep you from rear-ending someone or getting broadsided by oncoming traffic. Be ready to pay the toll, and for God’s sake, if you’re one of those “fuck the law” types who always blows through the things, do yourself a favor and don’t do that this time. The last thing you need right now is cops firing bullets at your truck of high explosive.

Roman should call you as you’re crossing into Bohan- it’s scripted, as is Niko’s response, so just focus on driving. You’ll have to make a ridiculous turn when you get off the Charge Island Bridge, so be ready for that- the sidewalk here is wide, thankfully, so though you may piss off the other drivers you shouldn’t have too much trouble if you take it one move at a time. After the hairpin turn, you should only have to make to right turns (note the Residents Only Parking spot here) to reach the garage, then a left to turn into it. Arm the bomb, then let Niko make a run for it.

It’s advisable not to skip the next cutscene (yes, I know I always say that, shut up), as you do get a very nice explosion for all your trouble. At least one car should have driven by as the place went up- look for it stopped a ways down the road in whatever direction it was traveling. That’s your ticket out of here- grab it and go. If you stick around too long, the cops WILL hunt you down.

Mikhail calls you a pussy when you call and object to being played like that, but you’ll still get your cash.

So why did that mission take place, anyhow? Well, if you stick around shortly after the blast, some unnamed and unseen guy will exchange lines with a “Kenny” as to how they’re ruined, and no way could this have been an accident.

Kenny, as in Kenny Petrovich?