Chakra Attack/Transcripts

Transcript
Ray: This is Chakra Attack! A new approach to Los Santos County and to better health needs, and I'm your host - Dr. Ray De Angelo Harris. Ommm. Let's all say that again. Ommm. Be cleansed one, be cleansed all, it's time to wake up! It's time to sleep, it's time to wash that dirt out of your systems. It's time to be one, it's time to be one on one. It's time, my brothers, it is time right now - time for my show! Welcome to this week's Chakra Attack with Dr. Ray De Angelo Harris, and I am, as you have already probably ostentatied by now, your host, Dr. Ray De Angelo Harris. Have we hummed yet, Cheryl? Have we ommmed?

Cheryl: Yes.

Ray: You heard me go "ommm"?

Cheryl: Yes.

Ray: Well, I take your word for it.

Cheryl: Several times.

Ray: This is live! This is what we are giving you! So I'm giving you right now, I'm taking a break, I'm giving this to you right here - ommm...

Cheryl: Uh-uh.

Ray: Woo, you're one fine girl. I need you strong baby, I need you here with me. Stay with me, girl, be touched as where you are - that's my producer, ladies and gentlemen. Doctor, nurse - Cheryl Fawkes. Ommm. Cheryl. Ommm. Damn girl. I need you. Ommm.

Cheryl: Ommm.

Ray: Alright girl, I need you to go deep now, I need you to go deeper.

Cheryl: Ommm.

Ray: Ommm. Ommm. Together, together, together now, come on now. Ommm. And you out there too! Ommm. If I don't feel you, you can't feel me! Come on, Cheryl, one more time! Ommm. That is beautiful. Yes, we have all ommmed. Whatever are you out there doing, give yourself a big fat ommm. Imagine one great wave of love, one great wave of joy, a great wave of spiritual clarity! Imagine it all ommm up your thighs like a big sticky mess of love. Imagine your soul is like a bazooka! Boom! Or a balloon, that's as little and innocent as a child, sets free to the heavens. And the camera pans up as the ballon floats free and then mellow music plays as a source to the heavens. Then it comes down in an ocean, and a turtle eats it, and it has internal hemorrhage and dies. You have killed that turtle. That's the wrong message you're sending! Don't set things free that are going to kill other things! You're attacking the world in the wrong way! Yes you are. That's not the way to live and that's not the message to send! Like a plantain that's too big for your house. And you set it loose, and that plantain's going to wrap itself around kids, and now you have caused a mess! And it's not how we do it here, Cheryl. And that's not... The circle of life, that's the circle of life that leads to death! You hear me, Cheryl?

Cheryl: I hear you.

Ray: Let me hear you. Come on. Ommm. Ommm. Keep reaching for the heavens, and when you get there, be careful, as there is no oxygen in the heavens and the upper regions of the stratosphere and you will die, I promise you, you will die. Ommm. You cannot go to heaven as a human, you can only go to heaven as a damn angel! You hear me?

Cheryl: Ommm.

Ray: You hear me? Ommm. And that's why heaven is full of angels, and not living breathing people. Because people need oxygen, and there ain't no oxygen up there. It's one bit like one of those self-pleasuring choking games when you make love to somebody and put your hands around their neck. They have life, but then you choke the life out of them while you're pleasuring them.

Cheryl: Oh Dr. Ray, I like those.

Ray: Hey, most women love that.

Cheryl: I love it.

Ray: You get on top of a woman - you crush her sternum, you crush her ribcage, you put your hands around her neck and you give it to her and you're taking it away. You're giving life, and you're taking life away at the same time. It's two things going on here - it's hot and it's cold, you know? You're choking, but you're also giving life. A feeling. Squeezing the love into them but squeezing the life out. It's in and then it's out. Motion going on here. You have just played the choking game! That's health. That's integration. That's what we are here to do every morning before we get started -  we always ommm. That's the Chakra Attack! Hey Cheryl!

Cheryl: Yes, Dr. Ray.

Ray: What I just said?

Cheryl: "Ommm."

Ray: What I just said one more time?

Cheryl: "Ommm."

Ray: What I just said?

Cheryl: "Ommm", Dr. Ray, "Ommm".

Ray: What I just said? You out there, what I just said? What did I just say? I said "Ommm". Bang bang bang! No... That's the sound of me banging you.

Cheryl: Okay.

Ray: That's the sound of me attacking your chakra! We're bringing Western street knowledge and Eastern spritiuality together in a unified approach to contemporary integration - things that the mind and body are one. Things like the ignorance and knowledge be one. Things like the sense and nonsense be one. When you put sense and nonsense together, what the hell do you got? You got some bullshit going on in your mind! That's everything mushed together like a goddamn jambalaya! Peanut butter and icecream, gum and butter - ants in your damn pants. It all makes sense, because if you eat peanut butter icecream, you're going to get diarrhea! And you're going to have ants in your pants.

Cheryl: Are they eating the butter?

Ray: They're eating the shit! What do you think they're eating? Ants eat all shit, because you added that peanut butter in that damn icecream!

Cheryl: But how do the ants... Do they crawl in your butthole?

Ray: No, they just eat the shit that's coming out your ass! When things don't agree with you, that's what I'm talking about. That's sense and that's nonsense together, and they do not agree with each other, and then they have merged and gave your ass diarrhea. We're cleansing everything - mind, body and your spirits. We're going big! We're going all the way. Nirvana, purdah, Valhalla... limbo! And this being Vinewood - bimbo, himbo and dumbo. Around the world and back again. You're on a round trip, girl, to spirituality! A round trip.

Cheryl: Okay.

Ray: This is the full set. It's something all encompassed. Like a big compass which has everything in it. Not just a silly arrow that tells you which way to go north, but also a lot of other arrows that tell you other shit. Like which way to a liquor store, or some fool's getting fresh or if you're one all with all mankind. A karma compass that tells you street shit and real shit, but also lots of other arrows, a whole bunch of arrows in that damn compass.

Cheryl: No, that's just... Isn't that a GPS?

Ray: No, no, no, no, no. You think about navigation, that kind of shit in your car.

Cheryl: You know, to a liquor store?

Ray: No, you see, that is wrong. You see, you're not in a car. You're navigating on foot. You understand? I don't know what app you got, but your mind is an app. Cheryl, you are a damn app.

Cheryl: Wow.

Ray: You're floating! You are floating, girl! Ommm. Now say "Ommm" and you float, arise yourself off the ground right now in front of all these people on the radio.

Cheryl: Okay, alirght. Ommm.

Ray: Okay, I want to see... You better rise off the ground! Defy gravity right now!

Cheryl: Okay. Ommm.

Ray: Cheryl just rolls off the ground.

Cheryl: I'm still on the ground.

Ray: She just rolls off the ground.

Cheryl: I'm still on the ground.

Ray: She's floating on her spirituality right now.

Cheryl: You're not being honest

Ray: You understand, she's floating right now. This is a karma compass, everybody, that tells you street shit and real shit. It's like one of them sensors that tell you if there are aliens crawling in the ceiling, and they're getting closer, and you're freaking the hell out, because you are like "This alien is going to drop through that ceiling, run and whoop some ass!" Right, Cheryl? That damn alien is going to come through that ceiling and whoop some human ass! Wudududu, wudududu, wudududu, wududududu, wududududu, wudududu, wudududu. While the man is fighting the aliens, the women are in the corner, crying.

Cheryl: That's not really fair, but...

Ray: It's not fair, but that's what happens in the movies. That's exactly what happens. You hide in the corner, or you try to run and you trip. Not black women, but white women do trip, I'm sorry. I had to go to that with you, but I've got to go to you. I had to pull a race card out... That's what happens. You sit in that goddamn corner and you start to scream and cry, and while the aliens are killing your man, you are sitting there, crying. Then they take you up to space and then impregnate you - you understand what's gonna happen to you?

Cheryl: Uh...

Ray: They're going to take you up there and to do it to you. They're going to do it to you good. They're going to do it with that, with that, with that, wi, w, w, ww, with that....that, tha, that...Prong, You understand? That's how they do it. And that's why you gotta get the spirituality in your body right now, come on now - ommm! Ommm. Today, it's all about empowering the ladies. Spiritual days come in threes! A three-parter for enough sleaze and no gross chores and no worry about what's right or wrong or if you're enjoying it too damn much, because you're supposed to enjoy every last bit of it, Cheryl.

Cheryl: Yes.

Ray: Do you enjoy every last bit of it?

Cheryl: I enjoy myself, yeah. I don't know about the aliens taking me to...bed.

Ray: You don't know if you're going to enjoy it because it hasn't happened to you. You've got no idea where the alien's got his alien penis. You understand? No one know what kind of schlong an alien has. You don't know that, Cheryl, so don't speak on before you know it or whatever the hell you're doing, because you're supposed to enjoy it all. Every last bit of it! All life should be enjoyed. Right, Cheryl?

Cheryl: Uh-huh.

Ray: You're enjoying life, right?

Cheryl: Yeah, I love my life.

Ray: You go on music festivals and take molly and listen to some old-ass has-beens playing 25-minute version of a song - 25 damn minutes of the same damn bullshit you done heard before. But truly a nice thing, am I right?

Cheryl: I love camping, being in nature, like next to my car. 50 thousand other people getting spiritual, sucking on balloons, Dr. Ray. And then you wake up in some people's tent and you have no idea what happened. I love it.

Ray: That's right. Spiritual-ness is all about whatever gives you core energy.

Cheryl: Yeah. Yeah!

Ray: Getting in a train in a campsite with absolute strangers while high on laughing gas - don't matter if you're black, white, yellow, all or bit of every damn thing, blind, crippled and crazy - that is the path to true enlightment. You would know a lot about yourself if you got on that damn train like a blind, crippled or crazy person. That damn train stops rolling, someone's gonna yell out "All aboard!".

Cheryl: Yeah...

Ray: You're getting spiritual.

Cheryl: Yes.

Ray: Now talking of journeys. Every last bit of this crazy journey we are on is getting respected by any means necessary. I take pride in what the hell you're looking at, because that lets me know what the hell I got. You see, Cheryl? Enjoy the view. Enjoy the view! There's a horizon over there. There's mountains, there's creeks and there's valleys on that body. You understand? Share the women, but just don't leave no stains, because that ain't nice. You don't leave a stain on a man's lady! Oh! Is that nice, Cheryl?

Cheryl: No.

Ray: Is that nice, Cheryl, when you get on top of another man's woman and leave stains and don't go to that restroom and get you a towel and wipe her off?

Cheryl: That's not... That's very unsanitary and that's not nice.

Ray: It's very unsanitary. You have stained me. Because every time I make love to my woman, all I'm thinking about's what, Cheryl?

Cheryl: The stains.

Ray: That's what I'm thinking about in my mind. I can't get aroused if I'm thinking about the stains that man left on my lady! Ommm. Let me take a breath. Let me breathe now. I am Dr. Ray De Angelo Harris and I'm your spiritual guide, Los Santos. I'm a registered health practicioner with an internationally recognized degree. I'm a trained yogi who can suck both of his big toes at once. I'm an expert in cleansing, a devotee of colonics and a wise man. You know what colonics are?

Cheryl: Yeah.

Ray: What do colonics go through?

Cheryl: It's... It goes through your butthole.

Ray: Like, your ass. Your ass, Cheryl. I'm a compassionate lover and a fierce warrior all at the same time. Sometimes I'm a warrior and compassionate at the same time, then they don't know where I'm coming from sometimes. And ladies lay on top of my bed confused because she don't know where I'm coming from. I'm like a pitcher who've thrown a curveball or a slider. You understand? You don't know where it's coming, because you're in the kitchen. See? See what I just did? See, I went into your head and took you to a baseball game. You understand? I'm a compassionate lover and a fierce warrior. I spoon, I fork and knife, and that's what the Chakra Attack is all about. Lovemaking sometimes with me is sometimes like wrestling with a howling animal. Awooo! Awooo! Anyway, let's go to the phones. Speak, my child. I love you with all that I have, take what you want of me and leave me spent...

Caller 1: Hello? Hello?

Ray: Speak up, homie.

Caller 2: Hello? Uhh... Hello?

Ray: Oh, for Lord's sake. Cheryl, give a better caller, sugar. This guy was a fool! He put me on mute! Who the hell puts Dr. Ray De Angelo Harris on mute? You're kidding me? You're disrespecting me? Seriously, woman?

Cheryl: Ray, chill out, you're on the radio. Light some insence, calm.

Ray: I am calm, but I'm also angry. That's what Dr. Ray De Angelo Harris is all about. That is a duality! That's what Dr. Ray De Angelo Harris is all about - duality! Duality! You understand, woman? I can't be understood by you, right? I'm talking in a foreign language to you! I'm amazing, you understand? Just get me another caller and stop playing the woman card with your unshaven legs and pierced nose and disdained look for everyone else.

Cheryl: Ack...

Ray: Yeah, you do. You have a disdained look for everybody in my universe. Seriously. I can read your mind and you're wrong, you're dead wrong, okay? Who we got? Caller! Speak!

Caller 2: Hi Ray! Big fan of the show. Ommm.

Ray: Ommm back at you, brother. Big ommm. Big ommm with cheese on top. Ommm. Organic cheese as well.

Caller 2: This is so exciting. I knew I was going to get on this weekend. Dr. Ray, think I'm psychic - can I be a guest on your show? I know the answer, I know the answer is no, because...

Ray: Because you're batshit crazy, nutcase! Locked up in some loony bin and you call me every week. You call every damn week, running your phone bill up talking that bullshit!

Caller 2: It's not a loony bin, Dr. Ray - it's a high-security mental institution. I've never been convicted of a crime. I'm very thorough about DNA cleanup. I'm a spiritual being, Dr. Ray, I'm just like you. Ommm. Damn it, Dr. Ray, you're not omming with me.

Ray: I feel your pain, my brother. We are all one but some of us are also two. And that's that. Bye now! Cheryl, keep that freak off my goddamn show. Talking of freaks - did I ever tell you about some nasty twins named Tammy and Sammy who have restraining orders against me after some hot yoga got out of hand. Hot yoga started and it went out of control. Weren't my fault. Damn women - it was 120 degrees! I was getting spiritual! Cheryl knows - I act down when I think I'm going to die. Or I'm on a terrible flight on a damn airplane. You've got to see me flying. Oh, I'm terrible.

Cheryl: It's true that they have to scramble the jets.

Ray: Mentioning, when we're getting through turbulence, I grab a titty! That's the first thing I'm thinking about because that where my mind goes sometimes. If we're gonna die - we're going down in a fetal position. Fetuses want titties! I ain't sucking on a damn thumb! I'm going out the same way I came in - everything in the universe is about to. And that again is a duality. When one become two, problems can arise. I am very clear about this in my book. Cheryl, what's the name of the goddamn book?

Cheryl: "When One Becomes Two, Problems Can Arise - A Study In Duality by Dr. Ray De Angelo Harris".

Ray: There you go, there you go! Many call in, but few are chosen correctly out of our police lineup. I choose you, caller. Ommm with me.

Caller 3: Hey, man, I'm calling you from jail.

Ray: Dad? It that you? Hello? Daddy!

Caller 3: Uhh, no.

Cheryl: You know you don't know who your dad is.

Ray: I know that one day he's going to hear me on the radio and realize the spiritual mistake he made and come up and we're going to enjoy all the things a father and son should do: fishing, bike riding, three-ways, going to a farmer's market, beekeeping organic honey, knitting... A daddy's boy, you know. Knit one for two, all that shit. Gangsta style! Blam blam blam blam blam! And I can say: "Dad, I made you a sweater". And it won't fit very well, but you will wear it proudly, and then if any man challenges him, he would say: "I ain't no sissy. I ain't no damn sissy. My son made this for me and he's Dr. Ray De Angelo Harris, host of Chakra Attack on WCTR! Who are you screwing with?"

Caller 3: Hey, man, are you going to get to my question?

Ray: Oh, I'm sorry, my brother, I went deep, I went too deep. I went six feet under that time.

Caller 3: I shoved the phone out of my ass and smuggled it from gym plants so that I could just call you show!

Cheryl: Oh, you poor man.

Ray: Cheryl loves a visit.

Caller 3: Listen, I'm here for a real bullshit charge.

Ray: What is it?

Caller 3: Triple homicide. Total accident, but they deserved it. Anyway, I'm in a spiritual hole.

Ray: We can help you get out of that hole, brother! You're in a deep hole! I'm going to put my hand my hand down there and pull you up. Cheryl, give me my soul shovel. I'm going to dig this fool out of his chakra hole. And you're falling down the well, brother, I will pull you out and we can drink that water together even if you have slightly polluted the ground water, like you've been fracking yourself alright.

Caller 3: I'm really into zen and omming and yoga and I want get married to a woman who'll be there for me when I get out in 2025. We can have a baby whlie I'm in prison. One inmate told me you can smuggle your own baby bath out if you hold it under your tongue in an exchange with a family member in the meeting room. Anyway, I know I've made mistakes. I want someone I can grow old with and brutally murder in our golden years.

Ray: I'm beginning some body whispering. Dr. Ray De Angelo Harris is a spiritual body whisperer. Ommm. Ommm. "Medium, my ass! What are you doing?" I'm omming. "Why are you making that noise?". It relaxes myself and the ladies. You see, ommm is a scientific frequency that lowers the ladies into a relaxed spiritual place where their brain shuts off and their thighs go into overdrive. Mind off, body on. It's like trying to start a car. Zu-zu-zu-zu-zu. Zu-zu-zu-zu-zu. Zu-zu-zu-zu-zu. That mind is a battery, and that battery is drained and dead, but the engine is good. Right? You understand, Cheryl? I can teach you how to get that frequency, but you have to buy my book and my ommm call. You know how duck hunters have a call they're blowing that attracts ducks so thay can shoot them like stupid-ass sitting ducks? That's where the term comes from - the sitting duck, because that duck's sitting there. Right? He heard that call and he sat there and he got his ass shot. Boom! Feathers everywhere! Floosh! Well, I developed a bird call that attracts women, and it's called the Dr. Ray De Angelo Harris "Ommm" Spiritual Fine Lady Soothing Call To Attract Women. It's shaped like a sausage and trust me, it looks a bit strange, but blow it - and you'll see. Walk out on your cul-de-sac or the PTA meeting and blow in that thing, and women go mental! Wururururu! Believe me, as soon as you've blown in the sausage, but while you're blowing on the sausage you want to ommm... Hell, I had a whole yoga studio full of fine women all over me when I blew that sausage-shaped horn. It's like one of them medieval shows on cable, only we didn't have the dwarf or a Mexican for a dragon. Some ignorant fools will say "Are you really humming on that sausage?" No, I'm cleansing myself! Like wheatgrass to your radio. That's so you cleanse yourself.

Cheryl: But wheatgrass tastes awful!

Ray: It tastes awful. Of course it does. But a sausage-shaped horn does not, you understand? The "wheatgrass to your radio" is a metaphor, it's a figure of speech, you understand? You are terrible, liberal woman. Bad, bad liberal. I bet you don't even give to public radio.

Cheryl: No way, why bother? It's so patronizing. It's like being spoken down to by a beggar.

Ray: You have to give yourself and your money to public radio, you understand? Do I have to break this down to you, woman? Shut your mouth! That's public radio you're talking about. I am full of profit, but many are not. You are barely talking on the show! How am I supposed to teach you the ways of broadcasting, the ways and means of what are our means!

Cheryl: Oh, relax, Ray.

Ray: I cannot relax, girl. I'm not into relaxation. Relaxation is weak. I want to be hit. I am strong... Hit me, Cheryl. Hit me with the rainstick, Cheryl.

Cheryl: Not this again. I really don't understand how hitting you with a rainstick is helpful.

Ray: Turn that upside down. Hear them soothing sounds? That's from Australia, and you're blowing through it.

Cheryl: Is that called a didgeridoo?

Ray: Whatever! Hit me with the stick! I'm a piñata! I'm not a piñata! You hear me?

Cheryl: Why are you obsessed with piñatas?

Ray: Because that's life, Cheryl. You either is one or you isn't one and sometimes, you both is and you isn't and you learn nothing. If you were focused on your damn chakra for half a second, all would become clear to you. You can hang yourslef in a puppet square and let people hit you with sticks till candy and coins drop out your ass or you can sit on the mountain top and ommm. It's simple. I like both, so we have all these lines lit up.

Cheryl: Let's go to line 4. This guy is really spiritually constipated, he's got an ass full of candy. Let's him with one of the big sticks of love.

Ray: My friend, what's up? Free yourself. Breathe deep.

Caller 4: Yeah, that's bullshit what you said about coconut water!

Ray: Don't you go disrespecting coconut water. That's the nectar of the gods from places that are mad spiritual, with bacon sun and drum circles and where you can swim with dolphins. Dolphins! Wuvuvuvuvu! Wuvuvuvu! And communicate with them! Swim with them and communicate with the dolphins! Dolphins are delivering babies, you punk-ass.

Cheryl: I heard that dolphins molest people.

Ray: Where did you hear that, woman? TV? That damn anti-spiritual booty box will suck the life out of you in a minute, make your whole inner grace over like someone drew your soul into a over-done covered egg white. Like this coconut water fool right here. Listen, my friend, I just drank some, and I'm significantly more hydrated than you. I'm hydrated. I'm a whole lot wetter than you. People in tropical locations are never thirsty - they discovered the miracle of coconut water. Crack, slurp, crack, slurp - and you fill the glass up. Now, each coconut maybe contains 6 ounces of coconut juice. And if you've got a 16 ounce glass, you're going to want to break 2 coconuts and hydrate youself or just chop it up and spread in on a coconut cake. You understand? It's called coconut glaze!

Caller 4: Listen, the next big thing is going to be potato water! People in Ireland are working on it when they're not burning over cigarettes. Potato water's going to be huge!

Cheryl: Isn't it vodka?

Caller 4: No! In no way! It is unfermented water from a potato. All moisture that comes from nature should be available in easy, open containers. Coconuts are too hard to open. Nature tells you when it's wet and ready for you to drink! You press a potato - you get a beautiful fresh juice, which is just like orange juice, only better! I've also been trying cactus water, but I impaled myself.

Ray: Oh, I get you. I hear you. Let's bring them together, my brother. Right? We're in crossed worlds, but now, let's make two become one. The duality is back, you understand? We are one now, my brother. I'm upset - you upset; my belly bubbling and I've got to take a crap - you've got to take a crap; my nose running with snot - your nose running with snot. You feel me? Like we have multiple universes in a common book. We are all part of one universe now.

Caller 4: Thank you, Dr. Ray.

Ray: Nature has all kinds of water. Sometimes, when you're thirsty in the desert, you can grab one of them land mammals and then squeeze water clean out of it. And sometimes I need so much hydration that I let animals pee in my mouth.

Cheryl: Eww.

Ray: I do.

Cheryl: Eww, that's really gross.

Ray: Yep. I just love some me some organic water. Now, on previous shows we've talked about factory farming, and how those chemicals ruined everyone's health. You've got to only go organic! Cheese is expensive as hell, but the females love it. I hover the hand with the organic broccoli out the window and jump for them hippie girls. Say no, Cheryl?

Cheryl: You sure do.

Ray: And I'm here. And I'm here.

Cheryl: It's terrifying. It's also terrifying that it works.

Ray: Terrifying is right, girl. You know how many intimate unions I've had at the Grain of Truth parking lot? I'll be ripping off yoga pants with my teeth! Who we got next, Cheryl?

Cheryl: Line 7 wants to talk about honey.

Caller 5: Dr. Ray De Angelo, I want all of your listeners to know - stop eating honey! My family - we don't even use honey products, or "conflict honey" as we call it, because honey is made under oppresive circumstances. Bees are kept in servitude and sexual bondage. They're like flying veal! And what's worse - male honey bee genitals explode after sex.

Ray: Exploding genitals, damn! I learnt how to do that from my ancient Tibetian dude in the mountains when I was all there for a 3-month spiritual journey, where there was no fast food, so it was pretty damn emotional. I told this ancient dude in the hills... I said: "I recycle. I give to public radio and eat organic. But there is an empty part of me that wants a high-fructose corn syrup served with soda, a big-ass factory-farmed steak and then slap hippie girls on the ass and treat them like crap instead of putting up with that neurotic drama and dreadful taste in music." Hippie drama is the worst drama that can be. And this dude - he was spiritual as hell - do you know what he said to me? Do you know what he said, Cheryl?

Cheryl: What did he say?

Ray: He said you have to buy the right books, listen to the right music, listen to the girls, hippie drama and dig down deep inside yourself and ommm like a mo-fo and I did, Cheryl. I ommmed until my momma took me out of the damn house, and here I am. That was my time to Tibet. At least I think that was Tibet.

Cheryl: Are you sure it's Tibet?

Ray: Oh, I don't know - some hills and sheep and everyone sits there and cries, and all are inbred and they played a lot of rugby - things like that. Tibetian stuff, you know. It was real cool playing some Tibetian rugby. Ate some cheese on toast - real Tibetian style, for real! Anyway, that's why done I'm on the show with the fine yoga pose after an intense session - Shavasina.

Cheryl: It's actually Shavasana.

Ray: Shavasana... Don't correct me. I'm a yogi, woman!

Cheryl: Yes.

Ray: Shavasana!

Cheryl: Shavasana.

Ray: Shavasana!

Cheryl: Shavasana.

Ray: Shavasana!

Cheryl: Shavasana.

Ray: I know shavasana or... corpse pose. Cheryl, join me. Come here on the Big Ray yoga mat, girl, lay down like a corpse, like you're dead as a doormat. Lay there like you just got shot or died on a peaceful voyage down the street. I love me fresh corpse - it's so relaxing. You relax with me out there. You relax, Cheryl? You look stiff. Corpses aren't stiff, you understand?

Cheryl: Okay, I don't really know what all this means.

Ray: Shh. Stare at the ceiling and shut up.

Cheryl: Okay.

Ray: Empty your thoughts. Clear your brain.

Cheryl: Yeah.

Ray: Like, go in your head right now. Close your eyes, go in your head, get a whisk broom. You know what a whisk broom is? You've ever been to... You ever seen a barber on TV, and how when he cut your hair, he whisk broomed it off - the hair off your body?

Cheryl: Yeah.

Ray: Take a whisk broom, and whisk your brain out your head, clean your thoughts.

Cheryl: Okay.

Ray: Right, do it now. Do it now. Clear your brain of all of them damn thoughts.

Cheryl: Yeah.

Ray: You feel empty now?

Cheryl: Yeah.

Ray: Is your brain empty?

Cheryl: Yeah.

Ray: Now let's go. Ommm.

Cheryl: Ommm.

Ray: Man, I'm so empty right now, like I got a colonic in my brain stream - like I crap the crap out of my brain. Ommm. Get outro music!

Cheryl: This has been another episode of Chakra Attack with Dr. Ray De Angelo Harris.

Ray: Ommm. Shit, ouch!

Cheryl: You hit yourself!

Ray: Don't ever do it with me, woman.