Republican Space Rangers

"Republican Space Rangers! Shoot first; ask questions NEVER!"

- The RSR Motto

Republican Space Rangers is a cartoon show that runs on Weazel. It can be watched in Grand Theft Auto IV, Grand Theft Auto V, and Grand Theft Auto Online.

Description
The plot consists of three Caucasian, redneck American men who patrol the universe in a spacecraft, searching for and eliminating what they perceive to be threats to America. This is the first cartoon show in the GTA series. It has a mix of satirical humor, graphic violence, offensive language, racism and use of drugs. All the cartoons have a very stereotypical conservative view on life. The members of the crew (all male) also seem to have sexual desires for one another, which parodies stereotypical closeted homosexuals among Republicans.

The show is a parody of modern American foreign policy, especially in Iraq. It also makes fun of American patriotism, Americans' belief in the United States' superiority, as well as exaggerated conservative and, in the case of the "Homecoming" episode, liberal stereotypes.

The show also has its own website on the in-game Internet in GTA V: Republicanspacerangers.com.

Episodes
First Episode (GTA IV)= The episode opens with the Rangers communicating with a group of big-headed, agrarian aliens. The Rangers fail to understand anything the alien leader says, thinking he is speaking in "some kind of weird, jibber-jabber space dialect," though the alien is actually speaking in plain English. Nevertheless, the Rangers, believing that the aliens threaten America, label them as terrorists and open fire. The aliens manage to retreat back to an orphanage while the Rangers head back to their ship, take off, and fire a nuke back at the alien planet. While flying through space, a planet shows up on the spaceship's "Insurgent Scan" and the Rangers nuke it just to be safe.

After some congratulatory remarks by Commander, another planet shows up on the scan, this time with traces of minerals and gold. The Rangers land on the planet to investigate and encounter a squid-like alien native of the planet flagging them down for help. The alien recalls the story about a group of evil aliens who had recently invaded the planet intent on enslaving the natives, stealing their natural resources and destroying their culture. Suddenly, one of the evil aliens shows up and explains that his kind did this because they are evil and greedy.

Commander and Dick instantly sympathize with the evil alien and even invite him to go bass fishing. Frustrated, the squid alien makes one last-ditch plea for help but to no avail. The Rangers suddenly remember their original mission and blast both of the aliens regardless, for the sake of "Democracy and Liberty". The episode ends with Commander, once again, congratulating the other two rangers. The celebration is interrupted when Commander spots a glob of semen floating through the air, apparently from Dick who was busy masturbating while fantasizing about Commander. Episode 456: Trouble Brewing Down South (EFLC & TLAD)= The episode opens with the Rangers holding a barbecue atop an asteroid near the "border" of Earth while standing guard against any foreigners attempting to cross over. Butch, in a moment of breaking character, questions how he is able to hear the sound of Commander's gun when there is no sound in space and goes on to explain the science behind this phenomenon. Dick makes fun of Butch by calling him an educated elitist and Commander chastises him for using the Internet to gain knowledge instead of using it for posting unsubstantiated lies on message boards, calling people "fags," and porn.

An injured and starving alien appears and slowly approaches the border, but the Rangers swiftly fire their guns at it before it could cross. The Rangers then decide to go to sleep but not before calling out their three alien servants (racial stereotypes of a Mexican, Asian, and Russian) and ordering them to clean their ship, just after Dick gets mad as he thinks that the Mexican-like alien still can't speak English although Dick has told him "a million fucking times" to do so. Later that evening, Dick creeps into Commander's sleep pod after having a cold and being frightened by the sounds of crickets. Commander angrily explains that the crickets are just a sound effect generated to help him sleep better. Meanwhile, Butch secretly sneaks out of the ship in order to give a can of beans to a friendly alien near the border who has no arms or mouth. Butch then breaks down in tears explaining that, after the way Dick and Commander have been treating him, he feels lonely and wishes to befriend the alien.

Suddenly, Dick and Commander catch Butch consorting with their so-called enemy. Commander accuses the two of being homosexual while the alien rebuts by stating that he had 14 kids until Commander killed most of them. Commander then hypocritically states it was all because of natural selection. Butch claims the alien is his friend, which causes Commander to open fire upon the two. The alien leads Butch inside his ship and flies off while Commander and Dick pursue them.

Butch realizes that he has now become an outlaw and begins to regret joining the Space Marines. Commander appears on the screen of their spaceship and continues to taunt them. Before they open fire, the alien passes through an artificial ring-shaped planet (resembling a Halo from the titular series) while Commander and Dick's ship gets caught in the ring. Dick uses the hyperdrive in an attempt to get out of the ring, humorously referring to this action as "Shitstorm in a Basket". The hyperdrive launch fails and causes the ship to go flaccid, forcing all of its systems to go offline including the oxygen supply.

Commander and Dick believe this to be "cyberterrorism" and begin to suffocate while pleading for Butch to come back and save them. Butch initially refuses to save them because they called him "gay," but the alien explains that they are just transferring their own emotional insecurities onto him ("basic Jungian psychology," he says). Butch then agrees to save them. The alien maneuvers his ship in front of the Ranger's ship while Butch tells the other two to eject. Commander and Dick fearfully eject themselves out through the head of the ship and fly through space when the episode suddenly ends on a cliffhanger. Suffice to say, the two Rangers survived due to the fact they appear in the next episode. Homecoming (EFLC & TBOGT)= The episode opens with the Rangers' ship (still flaccid) drifting through space. An even larger ship docks above it and sends out a hovering robot to investigate the Ranger's ship. The robot reaches the cryosleep room and awakens the Rangers, explaining to them that they have been in cryosleep for eight years. Commander realizes that Dick had accidentally set the cryo alarm clock for eight years instead of eight hours.

Seven hours later the Rangers try to restart their ship, but Dick cannot remember the password to the computer. After several failed attempts, the robot inputs the correct password, "TOLERANCE". The Rangers are stunned and don't even recognize the word, believing it to be the result of a random letter generator. The ship powers up and Butch discovers that all his friends unfriended him and that he missed out on the whole social networking experience. Commander chastises him for social networking, claiming that he got too carried away with it. Butch then discovers that they have orders to return to Earth so the Rangers promptly fly back home.

They crash-land their ship directly in front of Fort Flaccid where a uniformed soldier nonchalantly hands them a fistful of medals and informs them of the changes made to Earth in the past several years. It turns out that not only have humans and aliens finally made peace with one another but also the USA has been turned into a pacifist, overly-sensitive, politically-correct nation—the Rangers' worst nightmare. Several other changes include giving up the right to a pension, the downgrading of military weapons to nonlethal conflict resolution devices (a puny pistol that spits out a flag), as well as the outlawing of jokes/humor (too many parent groups were offended) and torture.

The Rangers are infuriated with the new changes, as Commander tries to demonstrate the usefulness of torture by pinching Butch in the groin. The soldier is appalled and orders the Rangers to attend a "Sensitivity Retraining Seminar". Later, the Rangers are sitting in a repurposed kindergarten classroom while being taught about sensitivity and conflict resolution by an effeminate, tentacled alien. The alien teacher proposes a scenario in which the Rangers must resolve nonviolently, but the three Ranger could only offer violent solutions to the problem. Faced with no other option to change the Rangers' way of thinking, the alien teacher revokes their medals and labels them as traitors. Dick snaps, claiming he is a patriot (his favorite beer even says so), and calls the teacher a "goddamn-filthy-fucking-alien!".

The teacher is horrified and tactfully reminds Dick that the President of the USA is, in fact, an alien. The Rangers gasp as the alien teacher turns on a TV to a speech being given by President Zane, a green, scrotum-headed alien who spews urine whenever he speaks. President Zane appears friendly and confident, if a bit long-winded, and also takes the time to reveal the new flag of the U.S. The stripe colors have been changed to pink and yellow while alien heads, rainbows, and unicorns have replaced the stars. Commander declares the president to be a "homo-communist" and has had enough of the seminar. The Rangers all attempt to shoot the teacher but find that their guns only shoot flags and promptly leave the building.

They meet up back at their crashed ship and decide that the best way to get rid of a politician they disagree with is to assassinate him and blame it on "brown people". Dick exclaims, "Fuck democracy! Hell, we only ever like that shit when it works for us!" The next morning President Zane, and his vagina-mouthed alien wife, are parading through town in an open-topped limo when Commander stands in front of their limo and halts them while Dick crouches atop a grassy hill with a sniper rifle, in a reenactment of the John Kennedy assassination.

While the President is distracted with talking about autobiographies, Commander orders Dick to take the shot. Unfortunately, Dick had drank a few beers prior and misses, hitting Commander in the penis instead. President Zane is convinced that Commander took the bullet for him and declares him a hero. Meanwhile, Commander is bleeding out on the ground and calls out for someone to revive him, only to have Dick pelvically-thrust him in his rear. The episode ends with the Ranger trio standing in an unemployment line. Episode 4 (GTA V)= The new episode takes place right after the failed assassination of the president. The Rangers are invited to the White House, where they hold a brief discussion with the president before being dismissed. During the meeting, Butch apologizes President Zane for trying to kill him, saying that they didn't like him because he's an alien and a "liberal". President Zane forgives him. After the meeting, the Rangers goes to the basement of Fort Flaccid and the soldier orders them to deliver boxes of ammo to the Dark Matter Mall, saying this is because a new law was passed allowing everyone to join the Space Rangers. At the base, the soldier from last episode assigns two new members to the team: a homosexual man called Luke and a woman by the name of Vanessa, much to the disappointment of the Rangers, especially Dick.

Later, Dick experiences a homoerotic dream with Luke, resulting in Commander becoming bewildered. The following day, the team arrives to Dark Matter Mall to advertise their brochures, but a fight between Commander and Private Luke ensues. Commander then kills Luke and orders the team to massacre everyone, especially aliens, at the shopping center, saying that all of the aliens are "insurgents".

When news teams arrive, Commander presents the event as an attack of the Chinese. One of the reporters to interview the crew was Eleonora von Sorington, a reporter hired by alien multimillionaire brothers Edmund and Fitzgerald. She gives the Rangers an invitation, which persuades the team to visit the meeting of an ultraconservative party called the Coffee Grinder, created as a front for the alien brothers' plan to establish their political dominance over the U.S. During the meeting, Dick gets drunk. While being drunk, he accidentally goes to the stage and defecates in a U.S. Capitol model that was placed on the main stage. After noticing the incident, Edmund and Fitzgerald decide to let Dick run for presidency as a representative of the Coffee Grinder party, saying that they have found their "candidate brother".

Merchandise

 * Tops

General

 * The Rangers' suits resemble from the Halo series. As well, their ship gets caught by a -like object in the second episode. Also, the fact that Dick hero-worships Commander may be a reference to the popular Halo-based machinima series , in which the character Dick Simmons is seen as a "kiss-ass" toward Sarge, his Commander. One of their weapons also resembles the MA5B assault rifle used in Halo: Combat Evolved.
 * Their spaceship is phallic in shape, continuing the tradition of phallic images appearing in GTA games. The missile heads are red and embedded within the nose cone, bearing resemblance to an infected glans. Also, the missiles fired from the ship are shaped like sperm. This is further referenced in Episode 456, where Dick and Commander are fired out the front, Dick yelling, "I'm goin' out like I began!"
 * The Edmund and Fitzgerald brothers may be a parody of the real-life multi-billionaire Koch Brothers.
 * Their name is also a reference to the SS Edmund Fitzgerald, which sank in 1975 and Gordon Lightfoot made a song about.
 * The Coffee Grinder Party may be a parody of the American, a conservative movement within the.
 * President Zane's head closely resembles a mix of a buttocks and a scrotum (parodying from Futurama), while his wife's face is shaped like a female genitalia.
 * Additionally, President Zane's wife is dressed similarly to Jackie Kennedy, John F. Kennedy's wife, during JFK's assassination.
 * The hovering robot that boards the RSR's ship in the episode "Homecoming" has a striking resemblance to a from the Star Wars series, and also bears a resemblance to the  model featured in the Fallout 3, Fallout: New Vegas, and Fallout 4 video games.
 * A billboard of the show appears in Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars.
 * Just like Princess Robot Bubblegum, this film takes place in the future.

Grand Theft Auto IV & episodes

 * During the mission Heavy Toll in The Lost and Damned, Johnny Klebitz insults Malc on how his gang dresses, quipping that they dress like the Republican Space Rangers.
 * In "Trouble Brewing Down South", Dick mentions God and the Bible when talking angrily to the Mexican-like alien, revealing that Dick is a Christian. This is a reference to the popularity of Christianity amongst the American conservative population.
 * In Episode 456, when Butch is talking to the alien outside of the ship, he refers to the other two rangers as "Butch and the Commander," when he should have said "Dick and the Commander". This might be a testament to his stupidity, or a simple mistake by his voice actor.
 * In Episode 456, the alien that Butch leaves Dick and the Commander for says "life is complicated," to which Butch replies "I know, I saw the commercial" may reference the teaser trailer for Grand Theft Auto IV as Niko's narration opens with this line.
 * In "Homecoming", the trio arrives at Fort Flaccid, flaccid being a term for an unerect penis.
 * At the end of "Homecoming," Commander, a burly Space Marine, is bleeding out on the ground while shouting, "Revive me!" This may have been a nod to the protagonists of the Gears of War series, who act similarly when injured.
 * In "Homecoming," Dick states that his favorite beer is Patriot Beer; however, empty Pißwasser beer bottles are seen near him in the shooting scene.
 * In "Homecoming," the Commander suggests a password to start up the ship, "Clown's Pocket", but it does not work. This is also the name of a casino in Las Venturas, as well as a crude term for a slack vagina.
 * The opening to the "Homecoming" episode is very similar to the opening sequence to the movie Aliens.
 * Vanessa also appears very similar in both appearance and name to, a female Colonial Marine from the film.
 * Further references to the movie include Butch mentioning a "cat running around," which is referring to the cat that survived in the first movie.
 * Interestingly, the amount of "Kill Count" stickers on Butch's and Commander's guns increased as of Episodes 456 and "Homecoming".

Grand Theft Auto V

 * In the gameplay trailer, a brief segment features a Commander cosplayer fighting another mascot (who turns out to be Impotent Rage, another in-game cartoon character) in front of the Oriental Theater. In the final game, the same cosplayer can be seen in front of the Oriental Theater, on Vinewood Boulevard.
 * Lester Crest owns some Republican Space Ranger action figures.
 * Sometimes, the clerk in Ammu-Nation will state that he loves this show.
 * In Episode 4, during the Coffee Grinder rally, Butch makes an off-handed suggestion that the Rangers have attended a Ku Klux Klan rally in the past. This is reference to the stereotype that Republicans are racists and support white supremacy.
 * Interestingly, the mission Bury the Hatchet is inspired from the episode "Trouble Brewing Down South", as both feature shootings which is caused by presumption by the shooters (Dick and Commander in the cartoon; Wei Cheng and Los Santos Triads in the mission) that their targets (Butch and an alien in the cartoon; Michael De Santa and Trevor Philips in the mission) are being "homosexual".

Grand Theft Auto Online

 * Both the three-barreled machine gun and the four-barreled rotary plasma gun were made as functional weapons in the Arena War update (named the Unholy Hellbringer and the Widowmaker, respectively). The Up-n-Atomizer is also introduced in the game as a RSR's weapon.