Liberty City's Finest

Liberty City's Finest is a series of commercials that are featured in Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City Stories. The commercials are recruitment ads for the Liberty City Police Department, and stereotype the policemen as being lazy, yet violent. Two radio commercials can be heard on the stations Lips 106 and Flashback FM.

Ads
The following are transcribed from radio ads from Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City Stories.

Ad 1 (Lips 106)
Man #1: Hey, is-is there a job where I can shoot someone or sexually molest them and then not get in trouble?

Female announcer: There sure is! Listen.

Man #2: I'm power hungry, pudgy and balding. How can I be a hero?

Female announcer: By shooting people for the state. Become one of Liberty City's finest and you'll be a hero today. All it takes is two weeks training and a non-refundable deposit for your uniform and bullets, and you're ready to enforce the law. Finally, you'll get the respect you deserve as a member of the Liberty City Police Department! You'll always be right, meet new members of your community and beat them senseless for getting on your nerves, or because you're drunk. Become the law!

Man #1: I'm on a power trip that lasts a lifetime!

Female announcer: At long last, you're a man! Don't let anybody tell you otherwise. Become one of Liberty City's finest, enroll today!

Ad 2 (Flashback FM)
Man #1: I failed to make it as a hall monitor at school, and since then, I've had a huge boner for authority. How can I get job satisfaction and the respect I crave?

Female announcer: By shooting people for the state. Become one of Liberty City's finest and you'll be a hero today. Become the law! Carry a big black stick for enforcing it, drive around aimlessly for hours, eating junk food, and get paid for it! If you get hurt on duty, you'll get such a pretty medal the disability will be worth it!

Man #2: I'm a hero, and women pay attention to me now that I threaten them with tickets.

Female announcer: That's right. Women love a man in uniform, especially if you're threatening them with a ticket or incarceration! Think about it, you'll have a name badge. It's like fast food, but you get to beat people.

Man #1: Kick-ass, I can beat people senseless!

Female announcer: Fight crime the American way, with a hail of bullets and psychotic violence at the drop of a hat. Become one of Liberty City's finest, enroll today!

Trivia

 * The female announcer has the same voice as the announcer for the Kilimanjaro radio ads in Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas.