Keith Morris/Quotes

A list of quotes by Keith Morris as a Radio DJ on Channel X.

News and Commericals
"Police chases and paparazzi bullshit? It's time for the news!"

- Before a news break

"In case you weren't angry and depressed enough, here's the news."

- Before a news break

"Let's take a moment and hear what those weasels at the news have to say."

- Before a news break

"Alright, a few people want to lie to you and make you scared about the wrong things!"

- Before a news break

"I was just forgetting about reality for one moment, and reality says - "buy things! In fact, buy these things!""

- Before a commercial break

"Let's listen to some fine messages from the great capitalist gang bang going on out there."

- Before a commercial break

"We'll take a little break and get indoctrinated again."

- Before a commercial break

"We gotta take a quick break."

- Before a commercial break

At the Start or End of a song
"It's another beautiful Southern San Andreas morning. Smog, traffic and bullshit - all on tap!"

- Randomly during songs in the morning

"What did you do last night? That's what mornings are for - fried food and regret."

- Randomly during songs in the morning

"Good morning! Go give a rimjob to a donut."

- Randomly during songs in the morning

"Good morning, Los Santos!"

- Randomly during songs in the morning

"You gonna throw up on your shoes tonight? Make the night interesting!"

- Randomly during songs in the evening

"Good evening! Try to break your routine instead of doing all that same boring bullshit you always do."

- Randomly during songs in the evening

"Hope you're having a good evening out there, Los Santos!"

- Randomly during songs in the evening

"Everyone in this town is in a band, wants to be in a band, or is a failed actor! You choose or go wash some dishes."

- Randomly during songs

"Los Santos is a freak magnet with a unique sound - the sound of Western Civilization going over a cliff."

- Randomly during songs

"Let's take a trip in a burning car, shall we? Inhale. [inhales] Exhale. [exhales] That's the smell of progress, quietly giving you cancer."

- Randomly during songs

"Once the rot and decay sets in, you can't stop it. These are some really uplifting thoughts."

- Randomly during songs

"The thing about a punk rock band is that the reason they are so angry is because they all hate each other."

- Randomly during songs

"Whoever wrote the punk rock rulebook should be shot in the face. Rules? What a fucking joke."

- Randomly during songs

"I would really like to punch a boy band in the face. Just out of principle. Shit! I'd like to punch you in the face!"

- Randomly during songs

"We're playing music that might just wake you up from that vomit and hysteria of suburbia. Maybe... Maybe not!"

- Randomly during songs

"Everyone wants to be a victim these days and talk about how offended they are. Well, guess what? I'm an equal opportunity offender."

- Randomly during songs

"The difference between the 1970's and today is that we have a whole lot more uptight, uneducated white people now."

- Randomly during songs

"This is too great of a country to let this sort of thing happen to us. Where did we go? Hello?"

- Randomly during songs

"Dreadlocks don't have a thing to do with religion for me. It's just because I'm a lazy white guy who doesn't shower."

- Randomly during songs

Introducing Songs
"Here's some OC life - The Adolescents with Ameoba."

- When Ameoba by The Adolescents plays

"The Adolescents... Am-eo-ba!"

- When Ameoba by The Adolescents plays

"LINDA BLAIR!"

- When Linda Blair by Redd Kross plays

"Once known as The Tourists, now known as Redd Kross. The McDonald brothers, Linda Blair."

- When Linda Blair by Redd Kross plays

"X."

- When Los Angeles by X plays

"Darby Crash and The Germs, Lexicon Devil."

- When Lexicon Devil by The Germs plays

"OK, this is Suicidal Tendencies, with Subliminal."

- When Subliminal by Suicidal Tendencies plays

"Suicidal Tendencies. Subliminal. Suicidal, man!"

- When Subliminal by Suicidal Tendencies plays

"Agent Orange, a band from behind the orange curtain."

- When Bored of You by Agent Orange plays

"Black Flag, My War. I know these guys. You're not my friend!"

- When My War by Black Flag plays

"Black Flag, My War, Let's take it to 'em. You're one of them."

- When My War by Black Flag plays

"Time for some music from our friends in the north, who we've played with a couple of times. Joey Shithead and D.O.A"

- When The Enemy by D.O.A plays

"Our friends from the north, D.O.A. Dead on Arrival. The Enemy!"

- When The Enemy by D.O.A plays

"X. She had to leave, living down on Vinewood Boulevard!"

- When Los Angeles by X plays

"Now we're going to get Blown Away, by Youth Brigade...Vinewood"

- When Blown Away by Youth Brigade plays

"Youth Brigade, Blown Away."

- When Blown Away by Youth Brigade plays

"D.R.I, that's Dirty Rotten Imbeciles. I don't need society"

- When I don't need society by D.R.I plays

"From the very musical family of the Escovedos. The Zeros, Don't Push Me Around"

- When Don't Push Me Around by The Zeros plays

"San Andreas, The Zeros, Don't Push Me Around"

- When Don't Push Me Around by The Zeros plays

"MDC, John Wayne was a Nazi, for all you cats out there behind the Orange Curtain"

- When John Wayne was a Nazi by MDC plays

"MDC, Millions of Dead Cops... Multi-death corporations, John Wayne was a Nazi."

- When MDC - John Wayne was a Nazi plays

Between Songs
"Some of the best music being played on the West Coast is in seedy clubs and galleries - foul places that don't have tickets that are marked up 100% for "processing fees". Holy shit, it's disgusting what the entertainment industry gets away with. And you fucking let them!"

- Between songs

"While I was a member of Black Flag, I was arrested a couple of times for doing really, incredibly stupid things. When you're drunk and you're watching your friends get beat up by the police, you decide to take matters into your own hands, so I got to spend the night in the county jail. Getting thrown into the paddy wagon... There are no seats, there's no place to sit in the paddy wagon, and what they do is... They purposedly hit the brakes every 50 yards or what have you, and everyone ends up piled on the floor. All the gentlemen that were in the paddy wagon with me would fall on top of this one guy who had the bottle of wine in his pants. So it turned into this scene where everyone fell on top of this guy and they all had their hands down his pants."

- Between songs

"When we were in Black Flag, we were just happy to be playing. It's like "Let us play, we don't care. We'll play anywhere with anybody". The way that we made friends was that we had drugs and we had beer and cigarettes... And all of the other Vinewood bands had a bit of a fashion sense. And for us, we weren't about the fashion. We were about the music, we were about the happening. We were about the party."

- Between songs

"I've been shot at in a parking lot after a show, because the neighbor was upset that we were making too much noise. And the six of us that were drinking in the shadows ran off like roaches. You're listening to Channel X, I'm Keith. All sorts of fun stuff. Jump up and down. Don't turn off Channel X."

- Between songs

"This is music from the West Coast. There's a punk scene in Liberty City, and, of course, London, but these are the real sounds of Southern San Andreas. What is it about great weather that makes everybody batshit? Why does nobody here really work? Why did we build a city in the desert and steal water from other people? There's a black sludge bubbling under this city."

- Between songs

"I remember smoking pot, drinking some beer, being really loose, being warm and fuzzy, and walking up and sticking my head into the PA system. Like one of the bottom vents of the PA system. It's like... You don't do stuff like that. You've got to be really fucked up to do stuff like that. This is Channel X! Good luck."

- Between songs

"Never too fucked up to play... The booze and drugs and the electricity was all part of the terrorist act that we were trying to perform, although we didn't know that we were musical terrorists at the time. Surfers, skaters, haters, bikers, cheerleaders, the captain of the football team, the drug dealers - all got together for our special party. They couldn't throw enough things at us. Bottles, cans, bricks, rocks, food... never any spit."

- Between songs

"Channel X - the home of punk rock, rebellious slogans and really great vintage T-shirts. Only joking! They made us cut on the rebellious slogans for advertising purposes! But we do have a great line of vintage T-shirts and all things retro, including the incredibly retro concept of actually giving a shit about something."

- Between songs

"We're keeping it very real here on Channel X. We are rebelling hard against theme parks and car parks and developing in national parks and all the other shit we specialize in down here in the world capital of plastic - Vinewood, USA. We've dedicated our lives to the pursuit of truth, and what have we learned? Punk rock ain't always true, and Vinewood ain't always bad! Sometimes you want nothing more than a glib ending and a plastic resolution to everything. Keep dreaming, America. It's time for my training montage."

- Between songs

"This is Channel X and we are bringing you some of the stuff that you would not normally hear at any of the other radio stations. So go fuck yourselves."

- Between songs

"You're listening to the home of reality in the land of mindless dreams. No wonder we never fit in. Maybe I should just go all in and get some plastic tits and a big plastic smile and a tiny little plastic brain. Just like the people who run this country."

- Between songs

"All the drugs, all the booze. Roll me out from under a car. It's time to play. Oh wait, the audience! Sunday afternoon - they're all picknicking! They don't want to hear what we're playing. Go home! Watch the family special. Channel X."

- Between songs